She drives me so crazy I can't even keep my emotions in anymore. I'm just about to crack with my mom. I'm just thinking why I always got to be the one she drives crazy. I done dealt with this forever.
I came to the conclusion that I can't be happy around her.
I can't just think.
I can't sleep.
I can't even eat the way I want to.
Everyone got these mother-daughter relationships I dnt have that. Neither do I have a father-daughter relationship becuz...
1. My mom always think negative about me. No matter what I do. Where I go. She thinking negative and then always accusing me of doing something that I don't do and it is highly HIGHLY annoying.
2. My dad thinks logical and he'll jux make everything a lesson from school. I'm not going to talk to him over boy problems. Neither will I talk to my mom cuz they both over react but all my dad does is sit there and lecture me and go into how "I'm gay" and how "I need to change my ways" and all this boy talk.
3. I don't need them in my business. I been givin myself advice since I was little about everything because who else would do it. All I get is a you to young or you don't need to know that.
I'm so fed up with bottling shit in I been craving something. I want X. I want to pop another bean. I want to jux depress myself to the point where if I pop a bean I can hurt myself and it would feel sooOoo goood and I can cry and be depressed and hopefully, HOPEFULLY kill myself and see how they like it.
I'm just so tired of getting disappointed over and over and over and over and over again I mean, I can only take so much. I'm supposed to rely on my parents, I'm supposed to rely on them for anything and everything but the only thing I can rely on is jux looking at my mom everyday cuz that's the only thing I'm gettin from her. A lil money and other stuff but idk. When the 1st comes every month I hesitate cuz I think we goin to move soon.
Wen my dad says something that's one ear and out the other, he says it all the time and I don't get shit till last minute. I'm just so fed up.
I understand disappointment from charles but I already expect it. I can't help but not to expect it and I don't want it to come between us cuz if I cnt rely on 2 people that are supposed to be the main ones in my life how ima expect to rely on other people or expecting to not be disappointed when I feel like I'm a "red-headed stepchild" that gets put at the bottom of the to do list when everyone else just gets things and are a higher priority.
Sometimes I just wish I wasn't here so people can just have fun without me. The only person that I think would really care about me gone is charles but then again, I don't know about that.
...... I just feel like I'm already dying. I'm so stressed out I just can't take it anymore.
--PointBlankk
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