Farewell

It is time to end this blog and start my new one. This one represents the old me from 2009 I need one to represent the me for 2010. I mean, I transitioned from the old to the new me. lol.
--PointBlankk

Drama...

he was tlkn bout how the girl threatened him wit child support and that he went to go get a dna test and the baby wasn't his.

And how wen he found that out he was sadd about it and wanted me backkk and asked me if it was too late and I had told him that I had gave him till Monday to call me or else it wud have been too late.

Idk. I love him like seriously. I jux want to slap him.
--PointBlankk

Single

My bf broke up wit me. Y? Idk. I wish I did.
--PointBlankk

Mike jackson wrote...

The worst thing is holdingl onto someone who doesn't want to be held onto. Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch u. The thing about falling in love is that if u do it right, u'll never hit the ground. Life is 2 short to be anything but happy. So kiss slowly. Love deeply. Forgive quickly. Take chances & never have regrets. Forget the past but remember what it taught u. Sometimes u just have to smile, pretend that everything's okay, hold back the tears and walk away. If u want to see the rainbow u must go thru the rain. If u want TRUE LOVE you must go thru the pain. Women were made from a man's rib. Not his head to be superior, not his feet to be walked on, but from his side to be equal, from under his arm to be protected and from next to his heart to be loved.
--PointBlankk

Its soooo much to say about her, I dnt even kno where to begin. Its like, able to be one looooooooong phone conversation and I dnt really have anyone to tlk to like that about her cuz she is annoyin and I dnt think she realized that.

She tld me this boy thinks I'm ugly right but idts (I dnt think so) cuz little does she kno I tlk to him everyday txtn and what not and he wanted me to chill but knew I had to bring her along with me so I denied it and she accepted it then gon tell me all he wants to do is fck.

I'm lookin at her like, not all boys are like that. They'll only do that if u let them and ima let u kno the inside scoop, she will fck anybody. I dnt care how much she tries to deny it but guys use her for pussy, money, and head. No lie. And I dnt think she honestly realizes this shit.

So I asked him (the guy that supposedly thinks I'm ugly) about it. Well I told him about it. I tell him everything she does and he was like becuz she was a lame in high school she think that she lost weight and will do anything to make it seem like she was cool.

As far as I know of she fckd around with her "brother" when he had a girl and when he was single and gave him money wenever he asked her to. And then one day, she got a papsmear from the infirmary cuz of her problems right. Guess what! CHLAMYDIA!

And while she took that drink she wasn't supposed to have sex for a week. She complains bout how she cnt do it and when she was with that 31 year old guy 31 with a 10 year old kid. And she couldn't resist having sex so they fckd. This was the second day. WITHOUT a condom so that nigga cuda got It and they fckd around more so she could have caught It back. She dnt know yet till she get another papsmear.

So now she got her check (refund) and she over here thinkin she hot shot and can do whateva she wants and can afford everything and shiit but she is homeless but stays with me. She has no car. She is suspended from school and she expects me to tell my mom that she has nowhere to go. My mom gnna leave her ass out no lie if it comes down to it cuz if she buys another extacy pill ima tell my mom and ima have my mom look cuz I'm not going to do it no more, I told charles and everyone else I'm not touching it becuz I refuse to go thru it all over again. Lol. Its harmful to my body mannn I done scratched myself up and made myself bleed and dmn near killed myself while I was on it. 2WICE. I'm not doin it again.

Idk what ima do with this girl.

She gon ask me if I can pick up her friend and take them to get their tongue pierced. If her friend wanted to go her friend wud get her mom car and take them herself. She a hoe. I dnt usually call noone a hoe but she a hoe. Cuz she sellin herself out to every nigga that she LET fck. Yes, I said LET. Cuz of the fact that she LET them do it and does not understand the word No.

But technically I'm a so called hater wen I voice my opinion. What do u call it?

Cuz I kno the word No. I dnt LET other niggas fck me. I dnt evn give the ones that act like they want me the time of day.

I have a bf that I'm fully committed to. I haven't even thought twice bout cheatin on him.
So seriously, am I a so-called hater?

--PointBlankk

I noticed that one of my "homegirls" *we dnt tlk like that no more so i dnt kno what to say. When we used to chill like ALLLL the time we was like, cool as shit and everything but. I guess during the 2 years i aint been back and Facebook and .... a bunch of other stuff.

She think she hot shit and im like, wtfckkk. and to me, she puts herself out there like she a hoe and knowin dmn well her ass aint gon do shit i can tell u that much. Me and my Ride or Die Shieka, i know her like the back of my hand but the other girl i dnt even kno her no more like its petty shitt. She gon get herself killed or have an STD and ima be like, it was going to happen one day and she USES guys for food and shit.

*looks around*

Yea Yea Yea i was like that to but im good now. im wayyyy past that stage. honestly. i havent asked for food in a minute and if i did i be joking. if they get it thats on them but i always tell them no dont do it i was just kidding but still.

She gonna get suttin done to her. she not doin nun wit her life anyway. Skipping school got kicked out and dont want to get back in and just hanging out. what happens when ur mom puts u out on the streets at the age of 26 cuz u never GREW UP!

Geez;; grow the hell up.

and WE ARE PAYING OVER at least 15,000 Dollars for a college education and I WILL BE DAMNED IF I GET KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL AND STILL HAVE TO PAY BACK THOSE FUCKIN LOANS. im doing a whole lot better than i was and sooo ready to transfer but its REDICULOUS. i think i spelled that wrong.

U GO TO SCHOOL TO LEARN RIGHT, honestly. *shakes head knowing i dont have no room to talk BUT* im still in good standing. my GPA is a lil low but a 2.567 and i get to start over wen i leave. Come on im redeeming myself. Unlike some ppl with a 0.482 or a 0.100 or a 0.000 and do nuthin but worry about refund checks.

and then... idk what else to say bout this subject but i at least attempt to do the work RIGHT. not complain "7 pages, i dnt feel like formatting it right" and then when i try to help and she catches an attitude. i did APA and MLA in class for English so i know how to do it. I mean, Geez. Its so annoying. lol. anywhoo....

Why waste thousands of dollars if u dnt spend ur money right . LOANS! ugh they cost and need to be paid back.

AND MY MOM TOOK 100 DOLLARS OUT MY BANK ACCOUNT! SHE OWES ME MONEY!

Nagging I understand why men hate it.

By this time I'm so annoyed and done with. If I hear anything about "J" and "pissin me off and tryin to play me" and "sex" (voice changes) "can u believe it. I lasted a month with no sex. Even tho I was tempted I lasted a month going on two with NO sex and I really want to. Ugh." (Changes back) ANNOYING! Then gets mad wen I have an attitude. HONESTLY! I have a reason for my attitude. SHUT THE FUCK UP! No one cares! I dnt come to u complainin bout my sex life. I hadn't had sex in a month and a half. I'm not complaining. Am I complaining. *blanks face* am I? No. I haven't said one word. Only thing I tlk to her bout my relationship if he called and tells me what his friends been up to. That's the only thing.

Geez, she needs to stfu.

Ughh.

Anyways. How was ur day? Lol.

--PointBlankk

Its fun to hear about people's families becuz then u get the whole story of why they act the way they act.

The drama part is funny also, and how they decided to resolve the issue.

Every family has stories and.... Lol I love em. They make me laugh, even my family is funny.

--PointBlankk

Boy: you are ABCDEFGHIJK
Girl: what does that mean ;)
Boy: attractive, brilliant, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, hot!
Girl: Awww! What does IJK mean?
Boy: I'm just kidding.
--PointBlankk

I never realized how it wud feel to be so alone after ur thru with a relationship. No, I'm not single but if I jux sit here and think bout how I have acted the 4 weeks I last seen my boyfriend you would have thought I was single and I really felt like I lost him to some other girl but now I realize the whole, "you can't trust no one but yourself" issue.

I'm not going to take people's advice in my own relationship. I feel like I am bug enuff to handle my own problems. Of course we don't talk as much as we could but at least he makes me happy. With what he told me tonight, I'm gladd I have him cuz I kno he is happy to have me.

Some people say, "u dnt kno what u have till its gone" idk but I know he really tryin to get it together for himself and he really wants to take this big step with me. Which is where my trust starts to end becuz while I'm at winston salem and he has that kid in august a week after I leave. Idk if he gnna be like "let's make this relationship work and blahblahblah" I'm jealous. He is the only bf I had that really has made me happy.

He tld me bout his sister and her bby daddy with their kid and how he said he cnt help but think about me but when I think of kids I think of ol girl and her pregnant belly.

But, if its meant to be then its meant to be. I'm really glad he is ok. I think I wud have went crazy if something wud have happened to him.

Never have I ever felt this way about someone before. Ever. First time for everything.
--PointBlankk

Yo Side Of The Bed

 
Geez this video is my fav of Trey Songs. He should get maddddd KUDOS for this cuz i was like WOW!!! and when the child kissed him at the end I was like awwwwww. I mean, awwww. Im glad he tributed it to the soldiers and just wow. I love this video i cant wait till his CD come out.

Mann. I hate sitting at desks my boobs be all uncomfortable sitting on top of the desk.

--PointBlankk

--PointBlankk

--PointBlankk

Summer School.

I never thought I wanted to see the weekend THIS bad before. I haven't seen my boyfriend in almost 3 weeks now and its frustrating but I can deal as long as I'm talking to him regularly again. I miss his crazy self and classes are stupid crazy. Only 2 and I be worn out that day. Geez but I got homework on the Epic of Gilgameth or something and ill get to that after I fix my banking.
--PointBlankk

Question!

What do u think about before, during, and after sex?
--PointBlankk

Too long

Here is an update on my life. I had my final exams a couple weeks ago and I made 2 B's, 2 C's and 1 D. I feel ashamed I let that part of my resolutions down but I am really going to step my game up cuz I am now in Summer School taking humanities and world history and trust me I am about to die of boredom.

Well, today I had a moment and just broke down crying but I'm fine now. I think a good couple tears every now and then would help keep anybody sane.

Can u believe these 5 weeks are going to go by so slow.

--PointBlankk

Attitude by Charles Swindoll

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude to me is more important than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past ... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our ATTITUDE."

I agree with this, a lot.

--PointBlankk

Have u ever noticed that sno-cones come in every flavor but lemon? Apparently, we take that not eating yellow snow thing very seriously.
--PointBlankk

Tell me one thing i dont know about u? One thing your afraid of? One thing u want from me? Nd one thing u would like to give me whether u can now or not...
--PointBlankk

Shit aint worth it

I feel like I done been betrayed. She (my roommate] wants me to go with her to chill with Don (the boy that threatened to kill her and shit;; stated in one of my wayyyy earlier posts about that drama] and what do you know.  SCHE is in the car so im thinkin, oh hell... they tryin to fck. So i turn around and she turns eme back around saying "Yur gnna leave me here with these two by myself. thats fckd up" and im like UGH! so yea, we in the car and everything is all gudd till we get to the park.

We get to the park and we walking and its pitch dark outside and im scared as hell and i want to leave but I cant leave so when Im ready to go Joy gives me a look and then says, u wanna leave but i dnt want her to ruin her fun so i say im fine and then wen we supposed to play Hide N Seek, knowing im scared I say ok. But what happens.

Her and Don ends up walking to the car leaving me with Sche but Sche was in the bathroom smoking his blunt so basically I was out by myself and Im just standing there thinking about how fckd up that was. I mean, .... Seriously. Ima say im pretty damn good faithful cuz i havent thought about fckn no nigga, havent thought about even saying that I WOULD fck some nigga. The most I would say is that he was cute and thats it. Thats all.

Her on the other hand, im not going to say. Its just a time and a place and just stuff I dont want to hear. (annoyed with that; previous post by the way] and ..... Y LEAVE ME THERE if they been tlkn bout gettin some "butt" the whole dmn time. Most of the time like I think she just dont get it. When you have drama and you let the drama go why bring the drama back in your life? I dont get it. But I cant say nothing cuz look at what im going through but its ok.

I just really wish I had some people to call at this time of night/morning when im in my time of need but i dont because If i was to call Charles if his phone was on. He would most likely be sleep but he a hard sleeper so if i did call he wouldnt hear it so that option is out the window and everyone else i have to txt first to make sure they are up and most of them dont have a car or live near me. Like my best friend Lonnie, or my twin Jordan. Kaleb about 30 mins away and all the other ones are just... far and carless.

I need people with cars. Im tired of feeling worthless sometimes and im tired of that guy txtn me. I swear, How do i file harrassment charges for this cuz i always delete his messages. Shud i save them and go to the police and show them it and see if they can do anything about it?

Gangland

I like this show because it shows real shit and how gangs get started but if I watch it with Joy ima scream.

All I said was, "he's cute" and she said "oh my gosh look at those lips he look like he can do something with them very well." And then he makes a face and she is like "WOOOO he is sexy ima fck him in a heartbeat."

I think wen u turn 20 u shud at least watch what u say and how u say it because the words u speak can be perceived as the way u act. U tlk nasty, u are considered nasty. Point Blank.

I mean , seriously. Considering that I don't go around saying ima fck him or do this to him or anything. I dnt tell my business to anyone. Ya feel me. I can keep thoughts to myself but she jux bursts out with it. And the fact that she stresses out so much over her cheating bf's tag page is also ridiculous.

How wud u feel if ur bf/gf fckd ur best friend instead of u on ya birthday and u jux watched? Personally, idk why she is still with him.
(Very verry verrry long story)
Ima write it in another post.

I'm tired of giving her advice when she wants it she dnt take it. She stuck wit no good niggas but never wants to move on or change the way she acts. I'm sayin, their is major rooms for adjustment. Honestly.

That's all. I said my peace.

--PointBlankk

She said it is a 3 level interview

And we was at the first level. I'm confused. What are the other 2 levels. She said she will call us back for a 2nd level (I doubt it. I feel like I kind of fckd up) but...

WATS THE THIRD LEVEL!

My mom said its prolly the walkthru and then its the drug test. Can't she do that wen we was there the first time and then the drug test. .......

Guys, (n girls), I'm nervous. I need a job. 19 and no one has yet to hire me. What's wrong with me?
--PointBlankk

What theeee hell

Fayetteville.

.......... She bought 3 cakes before. Went somewhere and came back in baskin robbins for another cake and said its her daughters birthday and she gnna tell them her story later. HOE!!! U bought 3 cakes.

--PointBlankk

Baskin Robbins

10:20 am Baskin Robbins.
Between the oyster bar and baldinos.

JOB INTERVIEW

Pray for me;; I need this job.

--PointBlankk

I have the most annoying cousins ever. "Only losers get bored" I wanna say "only losers stay wit their parents for 30 years"
--PointBlankk

Boondocks

That shit goes in. This episode is about the obama election. I wish this show was an hour log and not 30 mins. It is tooo fuNny.
Lol.

White man "Describe riley in one word"
riley "real nigga"
white man. "Real nigga aint one word"
riley " I kno nigga. Real niggas dnt follow instructions."

"Eh...wtf eh mean...watz goin on...i ask dis nigga if he like obama n dis nigga said eh.. "

"is going to start calling all of my niggas 'Obamas' and all my bitches 'Michelles'. "

...Boondocks is back with a vengeance
And I'm out.
--PointBlankk

I want a double whopper w/o cheese tomatoes and onions with a large chocolate milkshake. A ceasar salad. Some chicken. A bucket of ice cream. Hot wings. Pizza!
--PointBlankk

someone help me

I have this really really sharp back pain and it hurts soooo badd. I'm literally tearing up and I have no one to call.

I just want to sleep, it hurts so badd.
--PointBlankk

I'm not.. I swear I'm not.

U ever go to sleep with sharp pains in ya baqq and woke up not able to move and sickkk.

.... I asked charles that and the first thing he gnna say is "ur pregnant" and I'm like no I'm not. I swear I'm not.

.... I can just fall to tears thinking about it. Shit, it cud be stress and nervousness (lol I do have that speech today) and the fact that ima cry anyway cuz it hurts.

--PointBlankk

The navy guy *and not to mention* -Charles

Mann. I miss him I remember when we first met up I aint believe that was my homegirl cousin (thanks Kenna) and I remember that promise we made each other. I swear, he like a brother to me. Anywhoo. Mann, Charles done pissed me off yesterday over girls and their ass showin, vagina's (which .... looked weird) showin and small boobs like.... honestly. *makes face* I cant say nothing cuz my homeboy came by to talk to me and he was like, "i mean, compared to yours, everybodies breasts are gonna seem small. Hell, you make my girls chest seem like a B and she a C." and im always like, my boobs arent that damn big.
lol.

Anywhoo. Yea, so....... I miss him. He in Cali just got off his ship. I wanna see him soooooo badd. Im scared that if i do see him ima feel the same way i felt for him in high school. (yea he was my high school crush and .... mm. I wuda had the chance if it wasnt for certain people back then) *ex's lol*

Hmm....

Oh yea Charles.

I was just beyond pissed. I wasted gas and time yesterday if i knew he wasnt going to do what he said he was going to do then I wouldnt feel this badd but im tired of these surprised visits like, honestly. What the hell? I gotta drop my plans for u (i had no plans lol) never again. Next time u really wanna see me. Find a way to come get me cuz thats about the only way ima see u now.

and he looked so saddd wen i gave him backk his phone. I was madd and he was jux..... sad and he felt soooo badd like, duhhh u shud. but im not gnna make him feel that badd. I shud but im not. He already felt badd wen he called me and actually stayed on the phone from the time i gave him back his car to the time he went to sleep. Honestly, this was from 3:30-7am and i heard him tlk bout how he was sorry and how he was feeling and what was on his mind (and other stuff i was half listenin) but its ohkayy tho.

the whole paybackk thing. that was ......... me talking out the side of my neck like always wen im pissed off but what i wrote in those text messages to his cousins phone was the truth and nothing but the truth and im not taking that back. *wasnt nothing mean but how my feelings were involved and how i shud jux throw his phone out in the middle of the road and run over them* but.... im good now.

Still upset when i think about it. my heart sinks.

and then we moved stuff out the dorm today and my back is in so much pain for some odd reason, bending over and picking up the TV. Not good. Im going to sleep tho.

'I had a dream...... I gotta post this cuz i havent done it yet.

My navy guy convo elaborating later

--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com
Date: Sun, 25 Apr 2010 03:28:26
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Subject: Re:

I was tempted but it wasn't that serious even tho I was pissed.
--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)" <marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Date: Sat, 24 Apr 2010 06:59:20
To: <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:

Lol, run him over?? But you handle the situation the best way you seen
possible...

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Saturday, April 24, 2010 4:21 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

Nahh;; he not. I wish he was. All I kno was that he was put into boot
camp in south carolina. And yea I was blowin his cousin phone up and
then he wudnt pick up so I sent like 5 messages about how pissed off I
was and still am I shuda threw the fone out and I was gnna get him baq
but I said no aint no point and he was jux tlkn bout how he aint mean
nothing by that and a bunch of other stuff and how he is really really
sorry and that he doesn't want to lose me to this and blahblahblah. I
wasn't gnna leave em cuz obviously theirs a reason for everything.

I'm tryin to act smart bout things before I jux react and do shitt. Lol
cuz I told his sister and she alreeady done told her mom so either way
he goin to get cussed out by someone.

I wanted to run him over yesterday tho but nahhhh.
--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Date: Sat, 24 Apr 2010 04:13:29
To: <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:

DAMN!! That is fucked up...things will get better for you nae, just
gotta wait it out...but yea that nigga lame as hell for that...did you
onfront him about it? What did he say? And don't be letting him go
through your phone even if you're just mentioning him...and you
shouldn't do evil for evil but a lot of times it does seem necessary, so
just do what you feel you need to do...where he at? Is that the guy in
the military?

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 10:19 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

Nobody becuz this whole week been fck shanae over week. I jux found out
charles still tlkn to his so called baby mama and shit askin "what if I
still want u" and this nigga gnna leave his phone in a gas station I
went to go pick it up and I seen that message and other messages to some
girl like now I really feel like I wasted my dmn time and I feel like
exploding cuz this shit is uncalled for.

I haven't done anything to deserve this shit. Wen he go thru my phone
I'm always talking about him. That's it. I tlk bout him to everybody and
I stopped tlkn to the guys that I used to tlk to and now I regret doing
that but I feel like I want to get him baq. Jux do him dirty. Even if it
is a txt message I dnt kno what he be doin wen he be out there. I mean,
I understand he a guy and all and guys have messages of girls shit
everywhere but if u tryin to see ya gf and can't delete ya messages or
attempt to hide them. Then u a dumb nigga and can't play the game right.

--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2010 22:06:42
To: <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:

What do you mean nae?? Don't that because then you will really stop
trying until you eventually are stuck deep in a whole you can't pull
yourself out of...

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 2:39 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

Home ... I give up.

--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2010 21:37:55
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Subject: Re:

Home
--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2010 14:27:19
To: Shanae Johnson<disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:

What you doing now...

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 12:29 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

yeappp


________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 2:13:51 PM
Subject: RE:

Damn nae...

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 11:13 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

i didnt kno my cellphone was going to get turned off till the next damn
day. wen i looked at the date and thought about it being the 21stt wen
my bill was due. i specifically asked for it to be turned on and i
flipped out today. i literally flipped out.



________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 2:08:34 PM
Subject: RE:

Damn, now that is fucked up...I would be pissed off...you didn't give
them an alternate number to reach you at?

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 10:33 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

let me tell u wat they did. I told my dad to pay the phone bill because
im supposed to be getting a phone call from a job soon and his stupid
ass aint do it yet so when my friend called me telling me that she got
the job I dont have the job cuz they said they been trying to get in
touch with me and they hired somebody else so guess what.... this is
bullshit and my phone bill still isnt paid.



________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 9:43:19 AM
Subject: RE:

That's cause you be taking what she do to heart...

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 12:29 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

My mom be driving me crazyy...
I dont think I can take any more of her craziness.
When im all happy and shiit she jux ruins it and pisses me off and I be
all depressed.

________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 3:06:07 AM
Subject: RE:

Why not nae?

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 12:05 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

home. listening to music. cant sleep really.


________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 3:03:05 AM
Subject: RE:

Chilling, back in Cali...where you been??

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2010 5:26 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

where the heckkk u been.


________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Thu, April 22, 2010 8:01:02 PM
Subject: RE:

Hello stranger...

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2010 6:40 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

hi


________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com
Sent: Wed, April 14, 2010 2:26:43 PM
Subject: RE:

Hell yea, we're back in cali now...

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Wednesday, April 14, 2010 6:21 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

I kno u happy
------Original Message------
From: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
To: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com
Subject: RE:
Sent: Apr 13, 2010 11:24 PM

Long, seems like it was just dragging...We pull in tomorrow...

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Tuesday, April 13, 2010 5:44 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

How has ur day been???

------Original Message------
From: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
To: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com
Subject: RE:
Sent: Apr 13, 2010 2:58 PM

Lol, you crazy...

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 7:35 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject:

"I'm no meteorologists but I'm pretty sure its raining bitches"
cleveland off family guy. Lmao.
Sent via Blackberry from Boost Mobile



Sent via Blackberry from Boost Mobile



Sent via Blackberry from Boost Mobile

Dawggg;;

do i really need counseling? I refuse to go. I asked my best friend for an X pill cuz she said she can get them for free and she cursed my ass out like.... honestly. Shit, im not going to do something stupid. ( tries to keep a straight face ] Hell, i might need counseling but I just be stressing over pointless bullshit with my mother and her drainage she be doing to me.

"Baby come here,
Let me tell you something that you wanna hear
In your ears singing that song making love all night long"

-- Pleasure P

I definately want to see my boyfriend I got so much pent up anger in me I tried to cry it out but I cant bring any tears to my eyes. I think thats why they say its not good to bottle stuff in, you end up crazy.

But, I dont need counseling. I just need to feel appreciated by somebody in this house.

' and my roommate had to tell her about everything I said. I swear, when it comes to friends they be so dmn worried bout me they gotta tell each other like I said it was ohkayy. Smh.

and my homeboy told me he was worried bout me cuz I snapped on him. I be having these dreams mann ughh. He told me i needed to go to church.

Ride by Ciara ft Luda

When I saw this video my mouth dropped and im still lookin like WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. She been M.I.A. I see what she been doing in her spare time. lol. But u see Luda..... Mm Mm Mm. If I had the chance I would but I wouldnt. lol. If that makes sense but back to Ciara just wow. She freaky as shit and I cant stop staring at her dancing. lol. Just wow.

Suicidal

For this whole dmn week I been thinking about killing myself and this whole night I be wanting to jux stab myself or do some crazy shit. Made me had an attempt at "falling" down the stairs face first.

She drives me so crazy I can't even keep my emotions in anymore. I'm just about to crack with my mom. I'm just thinking why I always got to be the one she drives crazy. I done dealt with this forever.

I came to the conclusion that I can't be happy around her.
I can't just think.
I can't sleep.
I can't even eat the way I want to.

Everyone got these mother-daughter relationships I dnt have that. Neither do I have a father-daughter relationship becuz...

1. My mom always think negative about me. No matter what I do. Where I go. She thinking negative and then always accusing me of doing something that I don't do and it is highly HIGHLY annoying.

2. My dad thinks logical and he'll jux make everything a lesson from school. I'm not going to talk to him over boy problems. Neither will I talk to my mom cuz they both over react but all my dad does is sit there and lecture me and go into how "I'm gay" and how "I need to change my ways" and all this boy talk.

3. I don't need them in my business. I been givin myself advice since I was little about everything because who else would do it. All I get is a you to young or you don't need to know that.

I'm so fed up with bottling shit in I been craving something. I want X. I want to pop another bean. I want to jux depress myself to the point where if I pop a bean I can hurt myself and it would feel sooOoo goood and I can cry and be depressed and hopefully, HOPEFULLY kill myself and see how they like it.

I'm just so tired of getting disappointed over and over and over and over and over again I mean, I can only take so much. I'm supposed to rely on my parents, I'm supposed to rely on them for anything and everything but the only thing I can rely on is jux looking at my mom everyday cuz that's the only thing I'm gettin from her. A lil money and other stuff but idk. When the 1st comes every month I hesitate cuz I think we goin to move soon.

Wen my dad says something that's one ear and out the other, he says it all the time and I don't get shit till last minute. I'm just so fed up.

I understand disappointment from charles but I already expect it. I can't help but not to expect it and I don't want it to come between us cuz if I cnt rely on 2 people that are supposed to be the main ones in my life how ima expect to rely on other people or expecting to not be disappointed when I feel like I'm a "red-headed stepchild" that gets put at the bottom of the to do list when everyone else just gets things and are a higher priority.

Sometimes I just wish I wasn't here so people can just have fun without me. The only person that I think would really care about me gone is charles but then again, I don't know about that.

...... I just feel like I'm already dying. I'm so stressed out I just can't take it anymore.
--PointBlankk

I'm complaining about not talking to him all day and him not caring as much as he says he does and he over here hurting from his job and exhausted.

I need to just think before I act, jux cuz I'm not gettin attention doesn't mean he don't think about me. And jux cuz he got a job doesn't mean he doesn't want to talk to me.

I'm just trippin out over dumb things and I need to get ahold of myself. I know better than to act like his world revolve around me when it doesn't.

I'm not gonna stress him with my problems if he has problems of his own. I'd rather continue hold in my stress and let him tell me his then have him listen to my worries and problems and deal with his own when he can just tell me his and ill just listen and just say nothing is wrong with me.

That way he can always talk it out to me and I can just listen to more secrets about his friends and family I mean, who am I going to tell? Hell, I feel like they all my friends everytime he tells me some off the wall shit. Lol.

*sighs* I hope he sleeping good.

I mean, 2 mins he sayin suttin next thing u kno he falls asleep.
--PointBlankk

.... One more complaint

I'm really getting tired of the whole "ima call u back" and never do. Brings me back to my december post on self realization. (Which I had reread and I literally did change gradually after I posted that. And my new years resolution. I like it)

"After I realized it, from all the broken promises and the phone calls never received or the text messages never answered" I'm tired of getting my hopes up for a call that I'm never gonna get and its soooo annoying cuz I really want to tlk to him. I don't want to wake him up while he sleep.

What if something was really bothering me? Or if I was put into the hospital. he doesn't hear the phone wen he sleep, so it wud be pointless to call when he aint gnna pick up.

I like to think a lot before I go to sleep (notice my posts r usually sometime early in the am or late at night and midday rarely.)

"I don't know who to trust anymore. I realized that, in order for me to actually get what i want, i need to be patient because things will come to me when its time and the more that i rush into it, the more i have to wait. So im going to be patient. Im going to just listen to everything Kayla told me and hope for the best and think that the guy that im willing to give all of myself to will pop up one day and be willing to wait for me."
Sounds familiar right.

I guess patience is key cuz I feel like charles cud be the one for me besides the phone call issue but that's petty unless an event really did happen like that and I left him a message and he doesn't check it till 10 days later. Which he shud check it cuz I hardly ever leave voicemails anyway.

I miss him rite now as we speak. Lol. But, I'm jux scareddd. If we break up, I dnt know what the hell I would do. My heart would be jux, torn all over the place like thinking about it brings pain. I hate breaking up cuz that's the worse pain possible to feel. It lasts so long, its not like something that will go away after a couple mins that shit would last months years ...... A whole lifetime. Guess u gotta pick whose worth risking that.
--PointBlankk

B.E.T movies

I swear they make blackk people look ghetto (in reference to Truth Hall)
--PointBlankk

Sweetz

Baskin robbins oreo sundae with and without whip cream. Mmmmmm.
--PointBlankk

He called...... Yes!

He finally called me and told me what happened. I feel a whole lot better knowing that nothing bad happened to him and that he's ohkayy. I hope he understands the way I feel for him. He thought it was cute me driving down there to see him cuz I was so worried but, I cnt help how I felt.

..... Life is goin good ;; in a way cuz my mom still won't hop off my backkk.

--PointBlankk

Yesterday....

I'm so worried about charles I'm going to flip out. He had gotten into it with his brother over his phone being stolen.

His brother was txtn me a bunch of haterish shit and then charles told me he gnna fck him up. Idk what the hell he did but he has yet to call me for 24 hrs now. Its been a full day and then some and I'm so worried.

I'm feeling every emotion in me except happiness. Idk what to do.

I went to his house to see if his light was on, it wasn't. I went by his sis house. They was sleep. I'm so worried I need him to hurry and find a way to call me like he usually do.

Every bad possible thing that can happen is going thru my head (and I felt like a big ass stalker cuz I drove down there to see if he was ok and didnt even see cuz I got scared to knock on his window)

This sucks so badd I'm worried my heart is THUMPIN hard as hell......

Something always ends up happening this has jux been a fckd up week.

--PointBlankk

Conclusion

As soon as school is over, I am ending this blog and starting off fresh.

New school
Boyfriend
And my faithfulness is gnna be what that's about.

(That and me needing to overcome my shyness)

Kinda scared to meet new ppl and I'm already having doubts but, I kno I can do it.
Jux gtt focus while I'm up there cuz all of my distractions are down here.

--PointBlankk

3 C's

I got kinda upset I was thinking about my feelings and not really wat this whole thing was about. My previous post... uhhh yea.

Im all

Cool

Calm

&&

Collected

About that right now. Because of the fact that I thought about it and I talked to my friends about it.

Shane.

Shieka.

Cousin Tonya

&&

Morgan.

My horoscope says

With the emphasis being ion home and family today, you might find that someone is far less mature than their age would indicate, Aquarius. While you may be taking time to reminisce, and think about how different your view of things in the past is now, someone else may be doing everything they can to reject the knowledge gained from the experiences of the past. Maybe this is circumstantial, because you need to reflect on the past in order to gain the new skills you need to make progress with a current project.

I was thinking about my ex Beezy with him and his baby momma issues and her craziness and how that didnt last for a day. I mean, I really like Charles so I might as well go through this with him ya know. Im not gonna force myself to like the girl, besides. It was like, november and it was a 1 time thing. And she even told him that she dont want him to not be happy. She wants him to still be with his love and some other stuff i cant remember i was in the store trying to keep my jaw from dropping on the floor but all she wants is for him to see him. I just... I dont know. I guess but you never know what can happen now till then.

I wonder if he told his mom, like she already has a grandchild from his sister now him and she told him that she didnt want no more. lol which was funny. Ima feel all out of place but I guess thats what happens when you with someone through thick and thin. I mean, I was never plannin on breakin up wit him, nahhh never that. I just had to think about it. Like, get out of my selfish ways and really think about it.

But....

as long as its no problems thats worse than this. Im good cuz i dont know what else there is that can surprise the hell out of me.

The way I feel...

I wanna scream so loudly.
I feel sad hurt upset bothered....
But I'm not supposed to be madd.
It was november and we wasn't tlkn till january
Why does everything have to happen now
The things are going good but now my life is hell
My heart is pounding and it feels so low
My stomach aches cuz I don't want things to go wrong
I don't want things to change right now
U tell me 21 weeks wasn't that long ago
You claim ur ready for change I didn't kno this came with it.
U didn't kno either how are we gnna put this in our future plans
How can I keep u to myself
You got another girl that gave you wat I wanted to give
You can't be happy when we have one together you'll already been thru the firsts
What can I give u now that's forever and long lasting how can I top that
It hurts so bad to kno this, the things I have to see u happy for that I have to wait patiently
My first
Ur second
You'll always be one step ahead
What is a child going to do to us?
What is she going to do to us?
I don't want it to jeopardize
I'm already leaving in the fall now your having a kid by someone u only messed with once.
Is there anything that I'm doing right
Why are we being put thru so much?
I don't know what to think anymore.
I just wish I haven't heard the news.
But... I'm not supposed to be mad.
This was november not last month.

Jux only one thing that I wish...
(Lord forgive me, even though I dnt believe in u that much, forgive me)

But I pray to god that child is not his.
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Letter To My Boyfriend

This is kind of old, i meant to post this last week. I am not good with explaining how I feel to someone Im usually the type of person that will write it or text it to them and just not say it to their face. Its kind of embarrassing especially if they dont feel the same way I feel or dont understand how I feel. I been sooo stressed out lately like, i still am, I got an interview tomorrow but I cant do it. I might as well just fail this damn class. That's what I am doing anyway, failing. This and Speech. Life is so stressful and Im supposed to be transferring. Smh. I think if i get home and do my stuff and just turn it in later, then im good other than that. Im just lost as to what and where my motivation is. Its the end of the school year, come on. Ughhh cant wait till its over.

Letter to my boyfriend....

You don’t marry somebody you can live with – you marry the person you cannot live without




I don’t know how to tell you how I truly feel about you, I mean, I don’t even know if I can explain it. It’s like, I like you but I know it is far more than that. You’re the only person that I think about every day no matter what I am doing, where I am, awake or not, your just always on my mind and I can’t seem to get you off of it. I don’t even know how to express my feelings for you the way I want to, when I am with you, it’s like, so many questions are going through my head, I want to ask you but I can’t because then I’ll feel like I’m just asking stupid questions just to say something.


I hate being with you sometimes, because I know that if I’m with you, I am going to have to leave soon which sucks, and I hate to leave you. Especially if it’s like, an hour I don’t want to leave. You are just far, far enough for me to see you and far enough to make me crazy because I can’t see you ( no idea if that made any sense ) and then when I go to Winston Salem your gonna be like, 3 hours away and that’s far. Like, FAR and I wish I met you before I even thought about transferring there because then I would stay here and just forced myself into a major but nope, I had to go up there and I don’t even know when my mom would be willing to come pick me up and I already know that you probably wouldn’t make it up there to come see me because its 3 hours away. Ya kno. So, that’s like, a couple weeks of me not seeing you and I’m just used to seeing you at least once a week, regardless if I get the car or not. Even when I don’t see you, I wanna talk to you before you go to sleep, because most of the time, I can’t sleep if I haven’t talked to you at all that night. I gotta make it seem like your there with me to just stay sleep.


I hate that you got me feeling so vulnerable, believe it or not it’s taking me at least 2 hours to write this. I love the sound of your voice, the way you talk, the way you dress walk, smile, laugh, etc. etc. I feel like I never met a guy like you before and I feel real lucky to have you in my life even though you say that to me all the time. You treat me so good, no one treats me like the way you do. I feel a whole lot better than I used to, I really do care for you papi, I just don’t think you know how much.


I ask myself like, a thousand questions about you all the time. Like, what you was thinking about when you first saw me and why you wanted me to be yours, especially on Valentine ’s Day. I just always wanted to know what you be thinking about when you be with me, ya kno. This sucks because my chest feels weird and then when you call, I get all excited. I miss you too much and I don’t know what I would do without you. I want to rub your hair, give you your massage you been asking for, play with your hands. You know, all that… Weird stuff people tend to like. Seriously, it’s like, I don’t know. It’s just weird. Especially since I’m not really used to expressing my feelings anyway.

Yea Yea Yea, he read it in front of me. It just felt so awkward I didnt want him to read it in front of me but oh well I guess. *sighs* I dont know what was going through his head he just got quiet and sat there and didnt say nothing *lol and i thought he was about to cry* Then he just started talking about me going to Winston Salem and I wanted him to shut up. I dont want to talk about that right now. Oh yea, did I mention this nigga said "Im not going to cheat on you while your up at Winston Salem" like what the heck is that supposed to mean. So if you didnt read it you would??? Pshht. I didnt take that too seriously cuz the way he acts sometimes i dont even know like, I know he wouldnt but with all my other relationships... I cant say but I know (as of right now) he wouldnt. He wont even go to the club (which is down the street from my house), He'll be all worked up on coming to see me. Its funny though. lol and I had to go to Winston Salem in the morning around 6 and he didnt leave from me till 3.

*skipping my math class ima finish this paper and this resume if its the last thing i do*

Its just, he been on my mind sooo much. I cant wait till Im out of school (in july because im going to do summer school *ughh* for a lil extra cash when / if i go off.) I get to spend time with him and just him unless I get a job then, yea. Work School Boyfriend. Mind you, I dont deal with stress well, at all.

I know what I do need.

Time Management Skills
--anyone knows where i can take a class for that?????

This show never gets old

"I'm no meteorologists but I'm pretty sure its raining bitches" cleveland off family guy. Lmao.
Sent via Blackberry from Boost Mobile

Tyler perry

That movie is a must see. I suggest ppl to go see it. I loved it.
Sent via Blackberry from Boost Mobile

Sickk and Tiredd... (ughh Eff thiss)

LITERALLY!

Im on the computer bloggin tired of typos on my crackberry but its ohkayy. But I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Im tired of lookin at my phone expecting a phone call and not getting it. Im tired of someone getting madd at me for not calling them when they ass be at work. (rolls my eyes on that one) reminds me of my ex yo, seriously. Chill the fck out.

Im sick and tired of throwing up at 3 am every damn morning and coughing for like 10 more hours after. Im tired of being sick and im sick of being tired. Im tired of sleeping, i wanna eat something.

FAYETTEVILLE STATE UNIVERSITY's infirmary is finna make me madd. They always changing doctors they need to get there shit together, i cant just show up and get turned down cuz of no doctor being there for me to get some medicine. I dont care if there is a nurse there, she should know what kind of cough medicine i need to get some fckn sleep and to stop fckn coughing. Giving me these Chloraseptic shit.

*by the way i had a MAJOR blonde moment. lmao i felt like a dumbass wen i left the infirmary. a TRUE dumbass. lmao. Never a dull moment with me.*

Anyways;; MASSIVE HEADACHE. im finna spit this out drink the rest of my koolaid and take this benadryl *i dnt got no dmn allergies* and see if it will put me to sleep. Stories i heard, they shud do the trick.

Im tired of my mom acting bitchy at me. Shit, be happy i got a boyfriend and not a girlfriend that u swore up and down ima end up having.

IM SICK OF "CAP DUDE" CONSTANTLY TEXTING ME A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT AFTER I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE ME THE FCK ALONE ALREADY! niggas i will never understand.

Oh by the way,

Did I mention im sick of coughing????
Life Sucks. FML FML FML FML FML. I havent tlkd to my boyfriend since i left from there. Makin me madd. I need to stop reading his text messages they be making me madd especially since i cnt read his sent messages and the fact that he is "scared" of my mom cuz she told him... lmao thru my voicemail she will kick his ass if she see him. lmao.

That was funny.

Ughh..

I need a doctor, anyone know a good way to get rid of a cough, i got a speech due *which i know ima fail at* and i cnt cough and speak at the same time i done lost my voice like, a million times already cnt lose it anymore.

Haterssssss

What are haters exactly???

In my opinion, haters are people that try to bring you down or people that are jealous of you basically.

I never thought I would have a hater so close to me. Ya digg but things change I guess. I don't care if people call me ugly or anything to try to make me feel badd. Pshht;; I got a man what about you???

Then I can careless what you gotta say about me and my boyfriend. My mom is def a hater on that one. Talkin shit and haven't even met him yet. Lol.

Then my roommate be tlkn shit when he buys me things. Lol. Like, seriously. Yea he bought me a necklace and she gonna tell me its ugly. Werd; I like it though. So, pshht.

Well, I finally seen my bf after 2 weeks, that nigga was trippin hard like, wooow. Then takes his anger out on me. Men but he was happy wen I cam down there like realllly happy.

I luv him tho.
Sent via Blackberry from Boost Mobile

&& it keeps getting harder

Ohkayy, this is one of the reasons why i wished Charles had a car. But its ok.

His best friend got in a car accident and totalled his car so now I cant ride with him, and I liked riding with him because it was smooth and comfortable and he was cool like, realllll cool. Lol. He was funny to but still. I still got to ride with my babe.

But then, he told me bout his other homeboy going to jail because of "..........................." and I was like wooooow. Like, damn. Nigga gonna be in there for a while. Just, wow. He aint gettin out no time soon unless he lucky and has a good lawyer. Well, he was one of the places we can stay at cuz we aint stayin at his moms (nun wrong with it. I jux want him to be in the same bed as me. not me in his bed and him on his couch lol.) So, now that he did that stunt. I dont even know if we can even stay there.

Then just now I found out his mom (2nd, 3rd, i lost count) done got the car taken cuz they wanted it back like, seriously what the hell is going on. Are they trying to keep me from seeing my future babe. Like, seriously. We are already talking about the whole me going to Winston Salem issue, now this. I mean, I could stay there wenever i wanted to with no problem but its the fact that i wont have a way home. Im not able to drive down there my mom wudd kickkk my ass. She already done cussed me out over her car going down there.

*thank god she aint find out about the speeding ticket Joy got in her car*

and then he said that his homeboy Stokes gets out of Jail soon but idk if that nigga has a car or not and it would be reallllllll awkward meeting him. I think I would have to like, back off from him because of him just getting out, him and charles might need some time to hang out and catch up even tho they visit him and jail a lot but still. A lot of shits been happening lately this month, and I dont want us to end up breaking up cuz of lackk of contact of seeing each other cuz trust me, shit i went thru wit Stacy wen it came to that, I can wait. As long as when I see him, is welllll worth the wait.

*not this time cuz my..... yea and then his cousin..... mmmm yea. like i said not this time but soon enough.*

I can just feel his hugs now and his hair and, ... ughh pisses me off wont send me no pics of his hair. Ima be sooo mad if the lady dreaded his hair and its ugly like i would freak out and jux.... ugh. but i dont care. its how he likes it, as long as he dont look like rick james cuz this nigga tlkn bout some of them hangin in the front of his head.

*shakes head and laughs*

UGHHHH! I cant wait.

J. Holiday's Fatal is playing.

Story of my life.

"Everyday ur gone.its killin me to be without u. Cant make it alone all cuz im missing u.

Its like i gotta hangover, I cant get you out of my head."

5 days down 4 more to go.

2 more days till my cellphone is off and 1 more till his is off. Which sucks cuz we havent talked at ALL today and it makes me mad and I told him that but he said he got a job down there so im like, ohkayy. Do your thing since you wont send me no pictures. I gotta see them when he comes back up here Sunday or Monday or..... I dont know when the next time Ima see him but he trying to pay his phone bill and I guess he says he is gonna attempt to pay mine. 60 dollars to his 109. Not bad huhh. lol. I love him. I felt like I did ever since I was all depressed when I told him about Mario. I wish I can take that back, that just ruined everything. Well, not really, it just shows how much he really cares for me.

He even said that he was in withdrawal from the whole week we been with each other to.... him being in texas and im here and he cnt see me till when he comes back. I miss him soooo much I dont know what I would do. Then I dont wanna worry him about a (PT) unless I kno for sure that i need a (PT). Lord please let it come on at the end of next week. I dont want it to start and me being with him. Thats, unfair. Totally unfair. *rolls eyes*

He told me that his friends and his family likes me. I mean, when I first seen them I was shy and stuff, it takes me a minute to get used to being with them you know but that whole week I was there I opened up more and actually started talking. I like them and he met my roommate Joy and homeboy Jamu'. Ughh this sucks. Im finna get in the shower and mope around on this dmn speech paper.

Im out.

(why my mom calling me asking me why i havent called her. I be busy. im sorry for being busy).

and he says i need to make my facebook statuses more about him but he aint updating his like that and im barely updating mine. lol. men.

I'm 19 not 12...

I don't understand parents... I really don't. I can't even go to my boyfriends house and chill without her freaking out about it. WELL GUESS WHAT! Oh the fckkk well. I'm going to become my rebellious and say fck her and the world because its pointless for ME to be on PUNISHMENT for going to chill with my BOYFRIEND!

*rolls eyes*

I am not 12. Do I look 12, no I don't. I don't even stay at the house. Then he wonders why I keep avoiding bringing him to meet my mom. I don't even know what she would do, she talking about killing him for deflowering me. Everyone, lets just laugh. I wanted to say something about that but I kept that comment to myself. (You dont have to worry about that nigga he in Jail now) Smfh.

I miss him. Today is now Day 4 of me not seeing him cuz of him being in texas and 3 more days till my cellphone is off.

*sighs*

No cell phone. Do anybody feel my pain??? Since I been disowned from my dad I can't even find 51 dollars to pay the bill.

*sighs even harder*

I'ma get my tung pierced. I'ma get my industrial done. I want to get a tattoo but *secretly* im scared to death of them.

But anywhoo... I had to vent out my anger.

Me and Charles

My boyfriend (proud to say it, best decision ever) gave me this bracelet. He told me it was his dads bracelet and he had it on his rearview and gave it to him before he went to jail. I guess when he said he was gonna give me something he really meant it.

He tuk it out his pocket and jux gave it to me expecting me to figure out how to put it on. Oh well I figured it out eventually. I spent all week except 1 day with him. All week and I loved it. I never felt this way before, he going to texas and its 17 hrs away and I'm going to miss him already.

Hell, its been since 12 since I last seen, touched, and kissed him. I was on the phone wit him and I miss him so much like its not funny.... Ughhhhhh!!!!!

I met his mom, his brothers, his sisters, his friends and his cousins. They are all cool and I like them a lot. A whole lot better than my family, they are more fun to hang out with than my boring family.

My mom done kicked me out the house cuz I decided to leave so I guess I can't have any fun during spring break but oh well spring break is over and I can care less about the trouble I'm in cuz I'm always in trouble for something stupid but that's parents for ya.

Parents jux dnt understand and then drama wit joy jay and christian becuz of the simple fact christian tryna act hardd and come at all three of us bitch we girls we do damage that's why we fckd ya shit up. Niggas lie on their dick like its the new fashion. Ill fck all the football players in that hall up aint nothin but a thangg bae.

Oh yea, did I tell u?

I miss my boyfriend.
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Extacy

It really is what they name it. Extacy. I took that thursday morning with Charles and his 2 friends like, weird. We was trying to figure out why it was taking forever for it to kick in, but when it did. It was the best ever.

Green grapes, we ate that bag up (most of it) and then wen we got to that house and got to that room. Ughh 3 full hrs nonstop mann. 3. Then still got home jux in time to go to school and take my midterm and yea... I was coming off that high. Dmn near killed myself I was so depressed. But I spent most of my week with him. I feel like I love him and then yea, I met his mom. She's nice but mean also so yea...

Then this morning took half of that pill and my hormones are allllll over the place like, ughhhh its drivin me nuts and I still feeeeeeel it.

Kids...
Dnt do drugs. Don't do them. Its sooo hard it feels like shit getting it out of ur system. *screams* well that's my week.
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....

I'm chubby as shit. Ughh. No sex appeal whatsoever.
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Disrespected

I am not an aggressive girl especially towards men. I at least want to be the one being shown around I dnt want to show myself around. Mario had me feeling sooo ugly last night. I am with my bff, my ride or die Shieka, and we all talk and then suddenly this girl screams out RIO! And come to find out that's her ex. Think how awkward it is. Just think, to have him come from beside me to her just like that and not come baq to me till the time they left asking me if I feel ignored. I was gently pushed away by him and he gently moved himself away from me wen he seen her. Then my bff calls me tellin me that he didn't even "claim" me as his gf. I'm not going to be the one that goes up to him and has to TELL them I'm his girl, I just wish he would tell them I'm his girl and look unavailable. But nope, he looked available and was all over the place, without even asking if I was ohkayy.

Make sense??? Nope, cuz I'm still confused about it.

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Make up sex

So Charles was going thru my phone, looked at my facebook and saw Mario's pic and me wearing Mario's necklace. He said that I looked happy, its a pic, ur supposed to smile. I managed to not cry or mention the stress I was in. I forgot what made him realize to shut up about it. I just remember him teasing the shit out of me.

I did txt him that I was off and I even called him and let him know. He was teasing me hard, so when I told him that I was off (I said it at least twice) he rolled me over to the bottom and just started teasing me some more.

... It was better than inside the car. We went at least 6 times before he really wore his self out. I was loud, I kept grabbin the headboard making noises. It felt soo good and soo right but I feel like he busted in me twice. Pulling out kinda spilled, he said he had a condom but yet didn't use it. Then again I think he asked me if I wanted to be his baby, I said yea (sighs) and then... Mario came to mind.

I mean, like in my dreams. It fooled me though. I'm actually excited to see Mario tonight.

Charles told me I will always be his baby and he would always be there for me but... (That's where he stops ;;rollseyes). He talked about him so much I was willing to walk downstairs and go to sleep. He wants me to be with him Sunday to, ill have to see what's up.

I'm still confused. Even more confused than ever. Charles or Mario? Mario or Charles? (Sighs) man up shanae and try to do the best thing for u and ur heart.

(Sighs)


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Always something with cops

Come on fayetteville state u can do better than this. Lmao.
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Crazy forwards

You are on a crowded bus when you suddenly realize you need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.You let go about 5 strong and loud ones back to back.After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach yourstop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember.

You've been listening to your iPod.
lol keep
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me wearing mario's chain he gave me to wear just for this week.
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I been playing one love and love lost over and over and over again. I really think charles wud be better but idk. He asked me to spend the nite with him friday. I told him ok. I'm kinda embarrassed. I snore hella loud, lol u kno wen u haven't slept u jux... Yea. Well, I guess its gonna be the first time I'm staying at a potential guy cousin house lol.

Anyway, my friend Tre told me that I should test them with the whole sex thing. I am, but not with charles. I mean, I had sex with charles, valentines day. But mario I haven't so ima see where that goes. Ima give it the next couple times before I officially make my decision, its like, I need to think straight or if charles is really serious bout not wanting to tlk to me. He did say that if I'm with him he dnt want to think about that. He asked me for his name and all of that. He even told me bout his sister braiding his hair and asking y his eyes were red.

Is it that serious to remind me of the hurt I put on u??? Is it? I wanna know.
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Finally

I figured out how to do mobile blogging. :D
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Advice is really needed...

"So many people never find the one

That's why I really wanna tell you sumn'

I really think this is it for me

I really think you're the one I need"

I know some of yall know my predicament.

Mario or Charles. My friend told me to make a list and I tried and that list went nowhere. Thanks for the advice on FB. I decided to go for Mario but Charles isnt having that. I dont want to stop talking to Charles. At all... i want charles but I want Mario more cuz I kno if my mom had to truly pick for me it would be Mario and ..... Mario seems like the right one right now.

I asked everyone what they thought and they all said Mario, but... I don't want to make a stupid decision and then when me and Mario dont work out. Charles would already be done with me. Its times like this, why i wish i never had a conscience.

My twin said that if he really wanted to be with me he would still stick around and wait for Mario to fuck up so.... ima just go with his instincts. If I lose Charles then I guess I lost one good guy and if I lose Mario, I lost both. The thing is, is that I barely even talk to Mario now. I want to be with someone I see constantly and not having to rely on something else or ... something has came up. Its so hard.

Dont know who to choose right now.
Well Blogger People's. Help me... if u can.

"You are all I need and I'll never let go"

Who do u want Shanae, stop being so choosy.

Well i really really really like this boy named Mario. We been talking since forever

and this boy named Charles, ugh. i like him but not as much as Rio.

They are both sooooo sexy and i jux love the way they tlk.

but Charles asked me to be his valentine and i had already said yea cuz Rio jux been... u kno. MIA for a min.

Dnt get me wrong, the only difference between them is that Rio is closer than Charles.
They both looove to joke around, Rio loves music though and Charles likes to smoke. A lot. I mean, Charles dnt smoke around me, Rio quit smoking. They both have 2 jobs, they both love to dance, they both LIKE ME. They both have a cute smile, smell good all of that. They both have money basically... ( not that i really care cuz i really dont. ]

They are sooooo sweet. Even though I been tellin Charles to buy me a bear for Valentines day but still hasnt done it. He has no car or license. he uses his homeboy car to get up here but in order for him to come i have to bring my homegirl and she doesnt like his homeboy. He NEVER calls me and he RARELY even texts me backk.

Rio can drive, he has his own car ( 2 ) as he says, he cares bout his lil nieces and nephews, he is a real sweetheart he woulda gave me his chain. He calls me and then jux sings in my ear the whole time like... ok. lmao. But he txts backk sometimes to. ( he said he gonna call me and i still have yet recieved a phone call. ]
But its like... Charles asked me to be his Valentines day and i said yea and then with me hanging out with Rio... I forgot i was dating Charles for a second until after Rio asked me out and my dumbass said yea. I kno who I want to be with, even though it makes no difference, its still going to be the same way, (except Rio and his homeboy taking me and my roommie out to eat ] and he like the only one thats done that for me. I aint never really have anything speciall with any guy anyway so .. idk. But i realllly want to actually be with Rio but i dnt kno how to tell Charles that i dnt want to be with him anymore, its only been......... 3 days.
How am i going to break up with him? we just started going out Valentines day. *sighs* Im suchh a fckk up. I finally get a good guy ( in some sort of way ] and this is what i do.

I hate being me.

im live ;; like a superbowl kickk-off

BAD GIRLS CLUB IS LIVE!

that shit is Crraziiieee. First Portia, then Flo ( it was time for her to go though. ] then Natalie. That , i dnt evn know what to say. Over a 45 dollar drinking ticket. They were all drunk but honestly. How u go from on the ground wrapping up legs then pulling hair??? lmao. females.

Ughh i cant want till next Tuesday. ANNIE GETS HIT BY KATE! I mean damn. There is never any piece, i wanna kno what Amber does. I see her bad girl in her now, this WEEK needs to go by FAST!

19;; Another year older

I know I know. Im a week later but who cares. I just want to tell you that ALL WEEK last week was the best birthday week I ever. EVER . hadd. I looove my mother, i really do. She took me out to eat on my birthday at Miyabi's.  You see that plate, thats alll of the food. THe rice was bigger but i ate half of that and was already fool.

Anyways, that day I was talking to my friend "at that time" Charles. He said he would come see me for my birthday. Disappointment, he didnt. It was like this for the REST Of the week but my mom took me out everyday. Thursday, didnt do nun but go to class. Friday, went to the mall and had a bussssyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy day but guess what. I seen Charles 7:00 am and he was looking soooooooooo sexie like ohemgee. I just love the way he talk. I know yall like, Charles was never mentioned in these blogs before, why now? lol cuz 1, i dnt mention allllll of the boys in my phone, to much shit to remember lmao. But we was supposed to get a hotel room but then guess what

SNOW! yes i said it. SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!

But i cant complain cuz Valentines day morning, he found a way to see me and I loved every minute we spent together, and I have a boyfriend now and Im excited but upset at the same time. I still like the Army guy, the airforce guy is upset with me and the singer guy (yes HE IS NEWW and sexyy reminds me of my ex mark but sexierrrrr ] likes me.

I kno to never fck in Walmart parking lot at 5 am anymore. Not comfortable and toooo many people showing up..

SN: If i was talking to someone else first, and u all of a sudden pop back into the picture, am i supposed to stop tlkn to the person i was tlkn to just to go back to talk to u and not be sure if we are even going to be talking for a long time?

i mean, this boy is madd cuz he says i ditched him for another nigga but NO. he stopped tlkn to me so i went my own way so 2 months later he madd cuz i have a bf and now tellin me i dnt care bout him. I give up with him. Not my problem.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/pointblankk

formspring.me

Sneakers or sandals?

Anybody that knows me know I will choose sneakers over sandals anyday.

Any questions?

Left out to dry... SMH niggas or need i say, yungins.

Not editing due to laziness and lack of sleep lol.

Dont get me wrong, younger guys can fckk to ya kno I just dont like the whole point in playing around pissing me off on purpose I mean, if he wanted the same treatment backk, I would have been more than ready to but I dont care how small and weak this nigga look, the nigga got strong hands its ridiculous. I mean, he 18 now but when I met him he was 17. Still a tryna be hard guy but he aint hard cuz the nigga not even guts enough to find someone else to take me backk... See what had happened was ....

SUPERBOWL 44

COLTS LOST! The Saints got helllla luckyy we coulda had it. ughh 2 fckn fumbles and a bad kickk... u fckn serious but congrats to the Saints on there first Superbowl win but where was Reggie's proposal. He's wackk (and sexy).. anywhoo and congrats to me for watching my first superbowl and football game ever. Now I need a fav team cuz NBA, i got the Nuggets and whateva Lebron James is on and A.I. hehehe.

NO MORE ADVENTURES;; wit yung guys

EVERYTHING WENT WRONG!

but one question, how do u blog on ya cell, becuz I really needed to spill my guts out wit this one at the moment it happened.

Expect something when I wake up cuz this ..... ughh.. no more yunger guys for me.

Love is not for everyone

I honestly think I should not have been born in the month of February aka the Love Month. I absolutely hate it. My birthday is in 6 days, and I will be 19. N-I-N-E-T-E-E-N. My phone company fuckin up on me and I had PLANS that I cant even make anymore and I hate it. Its pissin me off I can tell you that much.

Love isn't for me and I'm really in a pissy mood. I really hate being lied to and I hate the feeling of being played. I hate getting my hopes up for shit that I know won't ever happen anyway. I don't understand how everyone can wear their hearts on their sleeves, I can't even bring myself to really open up to anybody about my problems. It's MY problems, not YOURS so don't worry about trying to make me feel better. I can do that myself. Yea, Im lying. I just wish certain people would feel my pain and call me asking me whats wrong. I don't even get that. I get a "Oh, sorry to here that" and then it does nothing for me. I just feel like sinking to the floor and dying a slowww painful death and see who cares enough to save me from my agony.

But then again, its a bad day, everyone has these days but its been like this ALL WEEK! Im tired of being the messenger, I wish something good can happen on my birthday, every other time its nothing but bullshit and a waste of my time anyway, its not like anyone cares to make me happy on my day. I wont even get a call saying happy birthday, I wont get a text saying happy birthday (except from family but of course, its whateva] its just a "Hey Shanae, bye Shanae" and thats it. Nothing special. Nobody to come and hug me and give me something, no one to think about me. I don't even know who even thinks of me. This boy that I like, his name is Travon but I can tell you that he doesnt like me. I guess its cuz im like toooo shy and dont open up or i jux shut myself out and thats it. Im not going to open up to someone in a day, its no problem for me to do that. I'll talk but I just wont act alllll crazy and shit, i barely do that with my best friends now.

I just wanna know what people think of me.

( even though everyone thinks im Bi and Im a Total freak ] WHICH IM NOT BY THE ONE! IM NO WHERE NEAR A FREAK SO STOP ASKING ME! SHIT! Anywhoo. So yea, I like my friend Kayla. thats my best friend, we had that GF inside joke since 10th grade. HER AND RIKKI! So obviously if you don't like how we express our gayness then shut the fck up about it. ( No homo ] With this said. Im done.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!

Feb 10, 2010 i will be 19 years old.

I hate it. Already.

-Point.Blankk

&& HERE WE GO AGAIN

BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH.

BITCH

I thought I made it clear that I am not willing to have sex with anyone. I really thought I made it clear but it seems to me that I didn't. I think I need to put NO on my forehead and every forbidden place. This guy is soooo annoying in sooooo many ways. I won't have sex with him and he always begs for me to have sex with him. Its not even a beg, its like a plea. A pathetic plea and I wish he would get over himself and stop claiming that he was the best I ever had (&&ofcoursethebiggest] LIES; ALL LIES! I am referring this to the (sexualharrassment] post. Yeapp, that same GUY! (rollseyesinannoyanceSMMFH!]

Of course me being me, I am pissedd off ready to leave but of course, the catch, I HAVE TO LEAVE by myself, I have to walk back to my dorm, BY MYSELF, i had to take the chances of getting caught, by myself. Actually, thats not a bad thing, i like thrills, more fun for me but.. i cant afford getting caught. I dont want to stay at my moms and be carless and no way to get to school and have fun.

His number is deleted off my phone, again. I say it all the time but im really fed up with guys saying they like me. I really dont care if you do (gojumpabridgetoproveyourloveforme] and I can careless if you think im the one. The thing i have with this is, I know its bullshit wen it comes out your mouth/txt/etc...

Its annoying for me to say that im on my (period] and im really not. Its annoying getting annoyed all the time. Welp, he jux earned a lifetimes worth of not talking to me anymore cuz I am transferring and since my mom has my money i cant put the money in the application, and i really need to but i feel like she used it for the heat bill, i knew she was going to do it. I need those 185 dollars, i had 340 left.