she whispers in my ear.....

Yall, I cannot get over the fact about how sexy he has gotten. He went from, B2k to to this. Took off the braids and just look at him. I used to think he was alright till i heard TEMPTATIONS on this song. I love the part, "She whispers in my ear". I love people who can sing like that.

This song really has me thinking about a certain someone all the time. Either that or I just go over my life with these guys. "She whispers in myyy earrrrr. She's beggin me come over over, im tempted to drive over over, but if i do its over over, i got a girl at home, temptations callin me." Sorry, i was just listening to it.

I really do love this song. Omarion was fit for this song. I remember lil fizz raz b and j boog. What happened to them anyway. Oh yea, J boog got some girl pregnant, i heard RazB went gospel. Fizz and Boog supposed to have been a group. (rollseyez] that song sucked ass and thats why they aint come out with anymore. Damn, i aint know Omarion held that group like that. Then again he was always lead, Boog always did the voice in the background, fizz never was shirtless and rarely rapped and RazB aint do shit. From what i kno, i never bought there CD. But back to this CD.

I LOVE IT! <3 <3 <3

Maybe.. its a good thing

I got my phone. WOOOOO! Very excited. I can't wait. Hit me up on facebook though.

I seen her give him the phone, I guess she did it cuz she really likes him. They talked all night from like 12 to 2:30 am. Sweet huh, I remember those days. I can't wait till I have days like that again, guys make me feel ugly around here, ughhh.... White girls get em all. Pshhht.

Anyways, I told u i like this guy rite. Well, it gotta stay like that cuz nun goin to change between the friendship level and the whole (you bi] question. Is the whole, Me loving my 5 second girlfriend enough to be bi. Come on now, she my best friend, seriously...... *cheesin* Helll nahhh. lmao.

But I guess if she is happy, im happy. Don't have to stress over him hurting her rite now at this moment anyway.

Do I Care Too Much....?

I feel like I'm trying to be a good caring best friend to her, but I don't think she wants to listen to my advice at all. I know I should just leave it alone but I don't want her fucking up her finance or her education. ( i wish we had smileys on here, I wanna show my annoyed face look right now. ] I can't be everyone's best friend and I can't keep everyone from making their mistakes. Ima let her do her now, because with her risking her education and money, I don't think I need to be in her business any longer.

When shit hits the fan, ( find out a nigga cheating and you paid for his cell phone. ] what u gonna do then? You barely talk to him now, if he was really thinking about you, he would have found a way to talk to you everyday. Everyone says that, everyone has that sense, but she supposedly loves him so much I guess its fucking with her head. The sex is fucking with her head. ( gets upset ] but its her. Not me but I guess "Love is so blind it feels right when its wrong".

Some people say that I can't find a man with the way I think, well... I think its how I think but, Oh Well. I don't really care, because honestly, I know what works for me and if I feel like something isn't going right, HELL YEA, Ima go with it.

I just don't want her saying I was never there for her when I was and I try to help her. I really do but now ( since I said this in at least 5 posts so far in 2010 about me changing my attitude towards her lol ] I really do think that its all for one and one for all.

Cuz i realized i got

Me myself and i

That's all i got in the end

That's what i found out

And it ain't no need to cry

I took a vow that from now on

I'm gonna be my own best friend

B5... Hella funny

Yall can do better than this.

So, Carnell looks like he got on a Mohawk piece, take it off. PLEASE! Dustin looks the same, Patrick??? Tryna be like MJ? Try again. Kelly, ...  Kelly. Stick to the braids but BRYAN! lets just call him Prince in the making. Diddy, I HOPE you didn't put them up to this. This is ridiculous!

Its ok to Splurge sometimes, right???

My New Love Of My Life..

I got the Motorola Clutch. Closest thing to a Blackberry from Boost Mobile but when I saw this, I fell in love immediately. Friday, Refund Checks come out. I'm going to get it. 735 dollars and change and once I put it into my bank account Im going to have at least 526 left. This phone costs 280 dollars approximately (thats including tax from best buy) and I have got to get this phone in my hands. This is my main priority right now. I love Boost, 60 dollars a month and I get this. Even though its sucky service but I have no job and I can't afford a plan so... this will do. I feel like I'm crazy.

I wish I was a novelist;; storyline I came up with.

Untitled



It hurts you know. Seeing everyone you grew up with going off to different places, change of scenery for them, same shit for you. You never thought life could end up like this. Never thought you had to live life on your own, always thought you had someone to watch your back, NEVER thinking that you could be one of THOSE kids that fucked up. When we all were little, I bet we thought we could become doctors, lawyers, singers, actors, even housewives. Not me, I knew I wasn’t perfect. I knew I wasn’t going to be any of these things. I just knew how to survive. The life I live, the world we live in, is never perfect.

Im not much of a writer but I am good at coming up with good ideas for books and stuff and on a Rainy Night and I cannot sleep because of the winds and rain and the shower is not making it any better. I decided to write down an introduction to a story that I know I will never finish.

......

I havent really posted anything. I don't even know what to say how I feel right now. Valentine's day is going to suckk because .... my loves aren't here and CAN U BELIEVE THIS 17 YEAR OLD BOY TOLD ME HE WANTED ME! to take his VIRGINITY because he LOVES me. Im like, WTfckk. I told him no. Like, I don't even like him like that but still, no. I'm fine. I havent really thought about sex either so ... yea. But off that.

Valentine's day is going to suck and that blackberry smartphone is going to be in my hands soon I can just take it. 250 dollars plus tax. By the way, did you know we have a tornado warning? I'm scared to death of tornado's hurricanes. I been in it at least 2 to 3 times in my life and it is not funn. All 3 times, I could have died but no one was hurt so .... I guess it was warning winds that someone is fuckin up and its coming back to you. Idk, im jux typin shit.

My birthday is Next month. The 10th, ima get that phone by then. =]. I need a job. =[. dmn Fayetteville for not hiring anybody. =[ Oh well. It'll come eventually.

I think im in love with Stacy ( the airforce guy ] because I been having weird dreams about him lately. I only told him one but the others, i stopped cuz i dnt think that he should kno because he acted like he didnt really care. Oh well, life goes on, only see what will happen when it happens.

Thats all i gotta say.

Oh yea. Clingy Men, keep away from them. They will stalk you forever.

Why doesnt my roommate ever turn off the lite wen she see's me on the computer i mean, GIRL. I can see in the dark on my laptop. JUST TURN IT OFF.

Thats it.

I got fined 535.60. My whole Refund Check lol. Check it out...

This is fun to do. Just read the 'offence' and if you've done it, you owe that fine.


You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

NOTE fines to be added once, not for how ever many times you have done it.



Smoked weed -- $10


Did acid or pills -- $5

Ever had sex at church -- $25

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40

Had sex with someone on MySpace/Facebook/Bebo etc -- $25

Had sex for money -- $100

Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20

Vandalized something -- $20

Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10

Beat up someone -- $20

Been jumped -- $10

Cross dressed -- $10

Given money to stripper -- $25

Been in love with a stripper -- $20

Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- $0.10


Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15


Ever drive and drank -- $20

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50

Used toys while having sex -- $30

Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20

Went skinny dipping -- $5

Had sex in a pool -- $20

Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10

Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20

Cheated on your significant other -- $10


Masturbated -- $10


Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20


Done oral -- $5


Got oral -- $5

Done / got oral in a vehicle while it was moving -- $25

Stole something -- $10

Had sex with someone in jail -- $25

Made a nasty home video or took pictures -- $15

Had a threesome -- $50

Had sex in public -- $20


Been in the same room while someone was having sex --$25


Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars-- $20


Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20


Had sex with someone under the age accepted by rule of thumb (half your age plus 7) -- $25


Been in love with two people or more at the same time-- $50

Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25

Went streaking -- $5

Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15

Been arrested -- $5

Spent time in jail -- $15

Pissed in the pool -- $0.50


Played spin the bottle -- $5


Done something you regret -- $20

Had sex with your best friend -- $20

Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25

Had anal sex -- $80

Lied to your mate -- $5


Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25



Tally it up and put it on ur status as: "My Fine Is..." (nothing else) then repost

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY

Ughhh I was lookin nice. Except my face. Everything else was good.  But. It sux, y it couldnt have been like yesterday wen it was hot. lol.

What kind of Bee make milk?

BOOBIES!

Well today was a very productive day. Not really. I didn't go to any of my classes. and yea, it sucks cuz i Should have went. So, Lets skip till tonight. It was chill. We went to the cafe and ate with Travon and Jamu'. Jamu' finally admits that he has a girlfriend after weeks of me knowing. He told me a bunch of stuff and just incase she reads this, im not going to state the reasons but its pretty sad cuz everyone makes fun of her. Oh well, she might end up being one of those psycho bitches that secretly hates everybody. She doesnt like me and I dnt know why. I did nothing to her but just chill, I dont know. Im not worried bout her though but i did make him madd by tlkn bout how his girlfriend would get jealous. Doesn't matter. I like someone and Jamu' is far from my mind rite now, unless otherwise. Travon is cute though but I dont know. Ehhhhhh we'll see. Most likely not cuz like i said, unless otherwise but he is chill. A true smartass and a sweetheart.

So, they walked us to mine and Joy's dorm and then we chilled some more, and let me tell you. All they tlk about is lifting weights and football. In the cafe, idk it was quiet but after, it was nothing but football and lifting weights. Christian had study hall so we came up to the room and stayed till Christian got out but we didnt really leave till 10. Joy had a good nap in and I was just laughing at my crazy cousins. lol. Long story on that. To much to copy and paste.

Sooo...  I asked Travon if he was willing to come and he said sure so eventually we got to the point of us 4 being outside of Joyner getting ready to leave to the park. We get to the park and we dont really talk about anything cuz Christian tryna cake wit an uninterested Joy and Travon was not being talkative and just talking to himself. *hmphh.* Men.

So, Christians friend comes. Lawrence, now he is really cute, i couldnt tell till i seen his face in the light. Lol. We had a couple laughs and guess wat the main topic was. Football, weight lifting, and camp. Yea, we was pushed out. Christian wanted a ride to cookout so Lawrence took us. It was funny we all had to get in the car, my legs was smushed behind the passenger seat and i was crammed against the door. lol. Yea, it was weird.So we got to cookout and the line wasnt long. forgot there was usually 2 lines so he got in the 2nd line and then wen we had to say our order it was a wrap.

1st, Christian voice was so dmn deep it was funny.
2nd, lol. Lawrence tried to order the food on the 2nd order and it wasnt working out cuz the lady couldnt understand him. It was tooo funny cuz the lady thought he said mix the oreo and snicker milkshakes together like ewww, we wanted two seperate milkshakes but she was making it difficult. Then they was jux makin fun of each other the whole time. It was funny, and then they was acting confused about the whole order thing but I understand. Its one of those brand new cookouts, 1 that u can actually walk into. lol. confusing.

We came back and then we walked back to the dorm and now we in here. It was funny but guess wat,

my paper still isnt done. I only got one sentence. Wanna see it? your going to.

In Russell Hunt’s article, “In Praise of Plagiarism”, he argues about why plagiarism should be welcomed and explains the difference between cheating and plagiarism.

Just guess. The paper was due today. Life suckz sometimes. lol.

Its fun hanging around a bunch of guys. Especially the goofy ones.

Real Love At Night!

You took me, you broke me, you hurt me, destroyed me and all you ever gave me was apologies, have you lost your mind you were my bay my life and my everything in 2hrs you took that all away, i mean was it worth it to hurt me so bad? or was she just something you were feening for in the night tell me is this real or am i putting up fights? for my own help tell me why and stop with apologies you’ve did enough to me, i loved you, carried you in my heart and all i got back was nothing in return, talk about real love at night!

You know what really grinds my gears... MEN! Agree to Disagree.

I know some of yall will disagree with me but im sorry but there are some things that has been bugging me for a minute and I find it hella annoying and I wish that this is where it would stop. I know some guys will be like "Not all men are like this" and some will say that "girls act like this to" but in my world, I know whats right to me and I know how I should be treated and respected.

First off, I cant stand men that dont know how to handle the word No, or in this case Rejection but it works both ways doesnt it? Like, if you ask me out and I say no and then you get madd and go off in this frenzy on why I WONT date you. Thats the number 1 thing, dont be trying to make me feel badd that I turned you down. Its not the end of the world. Get over it, deal with it, and stop crying about it. There are plenty of other girls that MIGHT want to date you but if you start being childish about the whole damn situation then how do you expect for a girl to want you.

Its annoying, and then you start asking me WHY i wont date you. Im not willing to explain myself to you.

1, your not my dad, you dont run my life and you dont need an explanation for my actions or my thoughts. Then start telling me that I keep turning down good men that will treat me right but last time i checked, if you are calling me a bitch and a hoe for turning you down that doesnt mean you will treat me right in a relationship. Twice, I had this happen because I said no. TWICE. Do you know how annoying it is, it makes me madd and its 2:19 in the morning and you want to be acting all pissy about it. C'mon son, Grow the FCK UP!

2, dont ask me about the type of men that I like, then when I tell you, dont try to put urself in that category cuz obviously if I said no you dont fit the category.

3, DRAMA! Some men come with drama and I hate it. If I know you have drama, ima say No. Like, I used to chill with you a lot, we used to be cool till u really started fckn up and you expect for me to believe that you didnt say it when you been jumpy and sometimey and all secrety about your whole life. As far as I know, you have a kid that someone else is taking care of, your dating some ugly fat lady with busted teeth, and you have no sex life and always trying to tlk about fckn to someone that is really not interested in the whole Sex talk conversation. I change subject all the time then you get mad about that. You know what that tells me. YOU NEED A LIFE!

Second of all, this really grinds my gears. Men that cheats. I dont think I have had this problem but I know someone that does and she doesnt even know it. Yea, my roommate knows what I am talking about. Its annoying when the guy finishes havin sex with his girl, leaves and calls up someone and asks if they can have sex and then she says no and he gets madd and starts complaining about it. Hence, the drama. Yes, he is dramatic and he also needs a life. He needs to grow up to. I think he needs to have a serious reality check, kick his ass out and have him live on his own.

Why are you going to call your best friend Grimey? I doubt that, as much shit as you put her though, you call HER grimey. Like, are you serious? For you to call yourself a man is an understatement, you going around fucking everybody, your basically a walking STD and you still trying to find someone to have sex every hour on the hour 365/366. Like, please do something with your life. SEX IS OVERRATED and I just don't understand. Then again, I don't have a dick so I might not understand.

I personally dont know why she puts up with his shit, if that was me, i woulda cut him off COMPLETELY without turning back but its her best friend not mine. So I dont know how strong there friendship is but it must not be that strong if he is constantly trying to put her down over dumb stuff saying that she not there for you and saying that she would be a nobody if it wasnt for you. YOUR A NOBODY DUDE, we all know you are grimey, we all know you are hella unfaithful, we all KNOW. The world does not revolve around you and I personally think that someone needs to come an just shoot you in the dick and see how it feels if you cant have sex for the rest of your life.

Another thing, I will not put no guy before me unless I NEEDED to. Last time i checked, my school refund money belongs to ME. ME MYSELF AND I. I hate wen my roommate says that she wants to buy her "boyfriend" a phone, is it me or is this RIDICULOUS! Its UTTERLY RIDICULOUS! I feel that if the man wants a phone, he would have a phone by now. Obviously, he has had AMPLE time to get him one, but he doesnt want one right now. Dont FORCE him to get a phone, let him have his peace and quiet and his alone time. You dont need to smother the man, he has a life.

Then you want to spend money on things that aren't important. A hotel room, for what, so you can sit there and be bored in there. Thats what a room is for, but I think that if you go to a hotel its for vacation purposes only and overnight staying. Thats a waste of valued money, 40 dollars of something that can be used for like, Soap and other stuff.

Its just a lot of things been bothering me right now, I dont know if my Army guy got sent off to haiti yet and I kno for a fact my Airforce guy has and Im worried about my navy guy. I hope he is ok. Its been a month. I miss them all a lot and just re-evaluating my life on this dulll day.

By the way, i got a last minute paper to write.

Random Thought;; Addiction...

I was watching the lifetime premiere of GIA last night and let me applause Angelina Jolie in that role. I hope I spelled her name right. Anyway, that movie was WOW to me. I caught the middle and the end, not the WHOLE movie but as far as I watched, it was a good movie. Especially the end when that girl said that when they picked her up her flesh fell off her back. Yea, I was like woooow. I actually want to see something like that in real life. I should be a doctor, blood doesnt bother me. I think its cool. Discovery Health had this man and his heart was still beating and I seen it. That was cool to. But anywhoo...

My real point in this Addiction thing is that,

Everyone has there addictions and I think mine is Becoming a Fan on facebook. Like, I became a fan in at least, a hell of a lot of stuff a day and I cant stop. I wish they had a rehab for this. lol.

Yea, another random post.

Random Thought;;

Pizza Hut does not deliver on Murchison Road. FML.

After Effects...

So, after I wrote my last post and I went to sleep, drove to Raleigh, and as Im laying on the couch watching my mom get her hair braided and watching Pregnant moms being addicted to Meth, I realized, its my life and i can do what i want to. If things happen unexpectedly, i just have to live with it. I mean, people have it worse than me. Haiti is out there, ( i dnt really know whats going on i dont watch the news all i know is an earthquake and they need help and that they are taking my Army guy away for up to 6 months. I can do 6 months. =) ]

I thought about things that I dont want though.

Kids

Drama

Boyfriend

Yes, I been hollering about me getting a boyfriend but after I actually put some thought into it, this right now. I am going to wait, I am WILLING to wait for some guy to talk to me, ask me out, take me out, do all those things that other couples do and surprisingly, No. I never had that. I think its cuz I am too shy or something. Like, Im not that shy. I can always talk to a random guy, its not hard. I just dont want the first thing I say to bite me in the ass. Understandable?

I think I deserve somebody, which is why I need a change of scenery. Fayetteville does nothing for me. I need new people and new guys and thats it. I dont know. If the Army guy says something or does something, it wont bother me. Im willing to wait, just cant do nothing right now because of everything that is going on.

My sociology class, I decided to deal with it. I am going to do this work and keep up with this. I am aiming for a 3.0 this semester or at least above it. Its easy, all i have to do is show up and listen for 3 hrs and then take a test.

My math class, I need to be more dedicated, even if its the easiest thing ever. Ima need to be in class.

English, already have my first paper to write. I got all day Sunday and Monday to work on it. Yes, this semester will be different and I am going to work harder in my english class than any thing else. 8-10 page research paper though. Thats going to kill me. Im aiming for a B on my final grade. This reminds me of my senior project.

Speech;; Im so nervous to speak up in front of people. I wanna see how this class goes. I need suggestions on my topics though. My mom says its an easy A. I gotta put my mind into it though.

Freshman Seminar;; everything is everything. I can make an A in that class if I went to the events lol.

Above Expectations? ...... No.

So this week in school went ok. I skipped one class and that was my thursday's 9:30 class. My week was productive, im trying to strive for a 3.5 this semester but I realized I am to lazy to do it so this, is not expected of me and I shame myself. I have 7/15 ( I have an 8 week class and the regular  16 weeks. (i think its 16 ] lol ] more weeks left to bring my grades up though and I need to start off strong.

On the other hand I think I would make a perfect girlfriend. If I put my mind to it but, another mishap with the same person. This time I am highly upset. He told me that he had "busted" in me the first time we did it. The situation when he couldnt get back hard again. Yea, go back a couple posts to know what I am talkin about. Anywhoo;; i figured he did so I didnt make a big deal, all i did was tell him that i was upset. Tonight, it comes down to it. Still no condom;; ....... different problem.

One; he tried to use my leggings as protection. Surprisingly it went in, bad side to that, what if i get effected down there. He payin my medical bills even though Medicaid got it covered. Two; he said no, take them off and I did but what happens, at least 2 mins in he tlkn bout No NO but get this, he pulls out hella slow and I felt it, again so i know he busted in me, again! The first time he said he liked it, i dnt cuz im not trying to have a kid. I want to transfer to Winston Salem without no baby holding me back and now this happens. AGAIN!
Babie Maybe, runs in my head, thanks to my dmn roommate lol.

But yea, he stays hard, till i dnt know what was going on but he jux starts laughing saying it tickles. It was getting good, i was finally getting what I wanted "from him" until that happened and it killed the mood. Again. At first im like woooow then after i seen that he was really serious and looking retarted doing whatever he was doing to make it not tickle, i came to the conclusion its not meant to be and im not going to attempt to have sex untill next month.

Pray and Hope my Period comes on.

I cant have any kids.

Its a shame, i told him that. I dont have nowhere to go, he goin overseas soon for the Haiti earthquake ( i aint kno bout it but facebook helped me with that. ] I dont really believe in god but this makes me wonder. I had a couple close calls and .... I need to live. How will i tell my mom and my dad that I fckd up? that HE fckd up? I shoulda been taking birth control but i heard they give defects.

Its not expected for me to not do well in school, to have a child, and other things i might not have mentioned. I feel like I am in so much shit now that Im going to focus on me. But, yea im goin to sleep class at 9. I mite skip it.

Drama in College begins

So, everyone is coming back tonight and I just have to say.. SHIT. The drama begins. Everyone is back on campus and now we have 3 more months to put up with these girls bullshit. Yea, you got it. All girl dorms are bullshitty. I wish we had males in these dorms, I would have fun but these girls are ridiculous when it comes to men. Its a long story on the situation but if your boyfriend was attempting to have sex with one of your friends, wouldn't you break up with him? No, Instead, you get madd and start calling the girl triflin and your still cakin with the nigga. The nigga done fckd with everyone on the same floor that you are on and you are still cakin it up with this nigga. Then her lil' groupies dont like the girl and she hasnt done nothing to them. I think its petty because if you are still with this nigga, then you obviously don't need love cuz that sweetheart, isnt love. You been played the whole semester and your still with the nigga that is playing you. Tough Love. I think not. He is just worthless.

I am ready for this semester and the drama that it brings and to see the new freshmen. I am curious to know who they are.

Schools In....

Monday January 11, 2010.

My first class of the year.

9am and 10am. I will TRY to wake up for it but I dont know.

Me and my best friend Joy moved in yesterday. I was the first one there. 9 am in the morning. It was fun though but I couldnt see my baby. ( the army dude ]. I havent seen him since Monday and its tiring cuz i really really miss him. I am about to go nuts. So, Yea.

My side looked messy as hell wen i got dun bringing my stuff up.

Yea. Messy. See my books on the bed. But i looked sexy that day.

That white girl is my best friend. Crazy times last semester that I will not forget.

I havent really posted nothing this week so I wanted to update yall on whats going on. I hope whoever is in school are having fun in there classes. I can already tell about all the 5 page papers ima have to write.

"You change your mind like a girl changes clothes"

I was discussing this with my best friend Lashaunda like, a couple of minutes ago. I liked this boy, not as much as I used to, but I liked him. I was re-evaluating the type of boys I like. I mean, it still stays the same. Pretty face, cute voice, nice accent. That's basically it. You could be 500 pounds with a cute face and I could think your cute. See, I wouldn't date certain boys because of how I think I would look with them in the public eye. If I don't see myself comfortable around a 500 pound dude linking arms with me, then I would just think your cute and keep it in the friend zone. Is that being mean? A couple of people told me no it wasn't being mean but I feel like im judging a guy by his appearance and I don't want to feel like that. I think that personality is key but appearance also affects the relationship. The guy that I used to like, he's not big. I mean, I can see myself with him, but the fact is.. I won't see myself with him. I can't. I feel that if I see him, I would immediately lose interest in him. Just sayin, if your a big guy. Whether, muscular or just have extra fat. You should keep up with how you look and look healthy and able to do things. I do not want a boyfriend that has to stop every 10 minutes walking on rugged terrain and catch his breathe or complain about the walk. It's ridiculous. Im not going to say that im in great shape, I know im not but I know that I don't complain about walking. I am willing to walk anywhere, I don't complain. Running, yea, I hate to run. I have big breasts and I don't like them bouncing all over the place when I have to run. Which is why I don't take P.E, but I keep myself feeling great and functional for myself so that when my friends wants me to go out with them somewhere, im willing to do it with no complaints. Then again, maybe its just me that feels this way.

Another issue is with guys that smokes. I used to think that guys that used to smoke were cute and they were fun to be with but when you smoke weed like all day every day, it gets to be boring to hear about. You keep talking about you smoking on this day and how you went to a party and smoked out the car. If I ask what you did the other day and all you say is smoke, then you probably didnt do anything productive. I don't really like that anymore. I think I grew out of it. Yes, I have tried it a couple of times and no, I did not like it. Smoking is not for me. I don't like the way it feels when it burns the hell out of my throat. I also don't see the enjoyment of the high. I was never high, no matter how many times someone said I was, I know if I would be high or not and I was not feeling high. Smoking is so unattractive to me, Cigarrettes is okay but weed. Potheads, its pathetic. After a while that "oooh he smells sooo good" ends up being a "he stinks. he must have just came back from smoking." The scent is soooo strong it burns my nose and I hate it. My opinion.

- Point Blank.

Federal Issues...

Is it really illegal to drive a car with no registration and insurance?

Yes, it is and I damn near found this out the hard way. NEVER AGAIN will i listen to my mother on shit like this again. Like, its ridiculous. This the 2nd time I could have gone to jail over something she said or has not told me. If I knew that the car was like this, I wouldn't have even been trying to drive to get me some ice cream but after a couple close calls with these stupid ass fayetteville cops that ACTUALLY decide to patrol the streets. I never seen a damn cop on the road at night for the whole month till today when they were EVERYWHERE. I hope I do not get pulled over for the rest of the times that I have to drive the car, I hope and pray that my mom never gets pulled over cuz none of us can afford bail.

I talked to my friend about it and he said that the person most likely going to jail will be the actual owner of the car. I don't own the car, my mom don't own the car, some lady did and sold it. No one decided to take it out of her name. So that was a reliever but what happens to me if im the one driving it.

I need answers. This was my thought on this subject.

Is this Sexual Harrassment?

I do not get why this guy does it. I used to talk to this boy named.... TT over the summer before school started in August and he was a cool person to talk to. Until he started asking about me, and my body. I always told him to not worry about it because im not going to tell you so stop asking and he did. School came and we hung out like a couple of times and ... yea. Stuff happened and now he just won't  stop bothering me. I mean, we done it once. I say once, cuz... it was only once. I don't get where the twice came from because the first time he did NOT stick it in and was complaining about it.

"Your too tight, what kind of guys were you fucking with? They must have been small as hell. Oh shit. The condom broke."

I mean, I wasn't even in the mood anymore. Other niggas i fckd with did not have this problem WHAT SO EVER! If i was too tight, so they say, they be like "damn." and get it in. He acted like he couldnt stick it in so I knew this nigga was no where experienced on that part. I wasnt going to do it either becuz I wanted to just leave. Then he was wearing a condom that was too damn tight anyway so no wonder it broke. I thought by the time you reach a certain age and have had sex for a couple times you should know what size condom you wear. I dont ask how big your dick is. I can care less, as long as you can work with what you got then we good, but the fckn nerve of his stupid ass and it makes me mad. BOTH TIMES! and not to sound like a hoe or anything but the last time, I was with this other boy a couple hours BEFORE I even went inside his dorm room and he was bigger than he was. ( not to put anybody down ].

So, I stopped texting him all together because he claims he wants to be with me. I wasnt going to actually believe that bullshit cuz he says that and still have his girlfriend. I am not dumb, trust me, two can play that game and I bet I can play it better.

He would constantly text me the stupidest things,

• Why do you have big boobs?
• What size do you wear?
• Can I see them?
• When am I goin to hit it?
• Why you acting like a bitch?
• Why can't I hit it?
• Do you still like me?
• Where did you get your boobs from?
• I really want to see them.

Now. Its annoying to say no, no, no, no, no, no, no, stop texting me, and genetics, and no constantly on a day to day basis. So I stopped texting him, I stopped talking to him, and I deleted him off of my facebook page and then eventually had to block him cuz of those questions that he still wants to text me. Is this sexual harrassment?

Well, that was what was on my mind.

I cant wait till Friday when we go back to school;; ready to see old faces.

Complicating...

So Yesterday was a chill day for me. It was in one word, interesting. I had a good day. I woke up, mom was gone. House was colllllld. Like really cold, Something is wrong with our heat. "Gas Heat", cant stand it. So, When she left from her lunch break, I asked when she was coming back. So i left, I went to my friend house. Not giving hints on this one. If he reads this, then he knows who im talking about. So, we chilled and watched a movie. I dont really remember the movie name. Ill think of it as I write. So, we was just laying together. Not really doing anything. Yes, I really do like this guy and I was off my ( .... ] and I really wanted it but, I said no and just felt like bothering him in that way cuz i wanted to know how big he was. lol. But it took forever cuz he kept hiding it. I already knew he was, i just wanted to kno how big. So, when my mom called and i got up I actually seen it. I mean, yea. lol I was thinking big enough and jux laughin inside. I wish they had smileys on this thing but Oh well i guess.

So, i got home. I ate. Then i waited for my mom to come back so i can go to my cousins house. I went to my cousins and was waiting on the txt saying u can come over. Cuz he was obviously acting like he didnt want me to come over but i wanted to tlk to him so yea, I went over there. It was kind of awkward wen i got up there, but after that it was fine.

Then it happened. I mean, like... real quick it jux happened. I mean, im used to it so I wasnt going to be madd at him for something like that. ( im not going to be real specific ]. It obviously wasnt meant to happen and I liked him, I won't be madd at nothing stupid like that. Not unless it happened everytime then i'll be upset cuz then i'll think its something wrong with me ( which its not lol ] so yea. We jux laid together...

I hate for Friday to come, cuz then i dnt think i can find a way to go see him. Life sucks wen u dnt have a car. It really does. DMN COLLEGE! but at least i get to go out all the time like i used to.


&& another thing. My mom has a facebook. She been sending Requests to everyone lol.  Except me. IM afraid that if i add her. She would read this blog and drill me about it. Which is why i wont post specific names and stuff && she would fuss me out about my wall posts. U know everyone can read ya shit. I just wont add her. I REFUSE.

But i guess life is life.... Hopefully i get the car tonight.... and other nights.

Only question i keep asking myself  is....

If me and him will ever be together?

If its a no. i dnt mind. if its a yes. lol i really dnt mind.

Its jux.... The whole deploying thing. But at least i can see him before he deploys and i can always be there for him. Ya kno.

Happy New Year and blahblahblah

Ohkayy so I decided I was going to make a list on what I am going to change this year about me. This goes for relationship and life situations.

I decided to make the list to remind myself of what I said I am going to do. Well, work on. It is not going to happen overnight, but it does help to start off early tomorrow. *hint hint*

• Do not give up on love
• Do not give in to quick ( lies, begging, etc.]
• Stop acting like a PURETY B.I.T.C.H. ( This is gonna take a while lol ]
• Never make promises with someone that you know will not keep them.
• Learn to trust in people and believe what they tell me. Well not all of it but you know what i mean. Relationship wise, no trust, its not really going anywhere.
• BREAK MY EMOTIONAL WALL;; I need to show and talk about my feelings and thoughts instead of holding them in or holding myself back from doing what I want to do.
• Be more assertive
• No more Rookie ways. (working on this for a while now. lol.]
• Shy;; STOP BEING SHY.

Thats basically all I have right now. I think it is a good start, and I think that if any of my friends read it, they can probably add on to it, and agree with everything on here. I am single;; but I am not available. Yet. I still got things to handle. Not with my ex, I am through with him.