I want a double whopper w/o cheese tomatoes and onions with a large chocolate milkshake. A ceasar salad. Some chicken. A bucket of ice cream. Hot wings. Pizza!
--PointBlankk

someone help me

I have this really really sharp back pain and it hurts soooo badd. I'm literally tearing up and I have no one to call.

I just want to sleep, it hurts so badd.
--PointBlankk

I'm not.. I swear I'm not.

U ever go to sleep with sharp pains in ya baqq and woke up not able to move and sickkk.

.... I asked charles that and the first thing he gnna say is "ur pregnant" and I'm like no I'm not. I swear I'm not.

.... I can just fall to tears thinking about it. Shit, it cud be stress and nervousness (lol I do have that speech today) and the fact that ima cry anyway cuz it hurts.

--PointBlankk

The navy guy *and not to mention* -Charles

Mann. I miss him I remember when we first met up I aint believe that was my homegirl cousin (thanks Kenna) and I remember that promise we made each other. I swear, he like a brother to me. Anywhoo. Mann, Charles done pissed me off yesterday over girls and their ass showin, vagina's (which .... looked weird) showin and small boobs like.... honestly. *makes face* I cant say nothing cuz my homeboy came by to talk to me and he was like, "i mean, compared to yours, everybodies breasts are gonna seem small. Hell, you make my girls chest seem like a B and she a C." and im always like, my boobs arent that damn big.
lol.

Anywhoo. Yea, so....... I miss him. He in Cali just got off his ship. I wanna see him soooooo badd. Im scared that if i do see him ima feel the same way i felt for him in high school. (yea he was my high school crush and .... mm. I wuda had the chance if it wasnt for certain people back then) *ex's lol*

Hmm....

Oh yea Charles.

I was just beyond pissed. I wasted gas and time yesterday if i knew he wasnt going to do what he said he was going to do then I wouldnt feel this badd but im tired of these surprised visits like, honestly. What the hell? I gotta drop my plans for u (i had no plans lol) never again. Next time u really wanna see me. Find a way to come get me cuz thats about the only way ima see u now.

and he looked so saddd wen i gave him backk his phone. I was madd and he was jux..... sad and he felt soooo badd like, duhhh u shud. but im not gnna make him feel that badd. I shud but im not. He already felt badd wen he called me and actually stayed on the phone from the time i gave him back his car to the time he went to sleep. Honestly, this was from 3:30-7am and i heard him tlk bout how he was sorry and how he was feeling and what was on his mind (and other stuff i was half listenin) but its ohkayy tho.

the whole paybackk thing. that was ......... me talking out the side of my neck like always wen im pissed off but what i wrote in those text messages to his cousins phone was the truth and nothing but the truth and im not taking that back. *wasnt nothing mean but how my feelings were involved and how i shud jux throw his phone out in the middle of the road and run over them* but.... im good now.

Still upset when i think about it. my heart sinks.

and then we moved stuff out the dorm today and my back is in so much pain for some odd reason, bending over and picking up the TV. Not good. Im going to sleep tho.

'I had a dream...... I gotta post this cuz i havent done it yet.

My navy guy convo elaborating later

--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com
Date: Sun, 25 Apr 2010 03:28:26
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Subject: Re:

I was tempted but it wasn't that serious even tho I was pissed.
--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)" <marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Date: Sat, 24 Apr 2010 06:59:20
To: <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:

Lol, run him over?? But you handle the situation the best way you seen
possible...

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Saturday, April 24, 2010 4:21 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

Nahh;; he not. I wish he was. All I kno was that he was put into boot
camp in south carolina. And yea I was blowin his cousin phone up and
then he wudnt pick up so I sent like 5 messages about how pissed off I
was and still am I shuda threw the fone out and I was gnna get him baq
but I said no aint no point and he was jux tlkn bout how he aint mean
nothing by that and a bunch of other stuff and how he is really really
sorry and that he doesn't want to lose me to this and blahblahblah. I
wasn't gnna leave em cuz obviously theirs a reason for everything.

I'm tryin to act smart bout things before I jux react and do shitt. Lol
cuz I told his sister and she alreeady done told her mom so either way
he goin to get cussed out by someone.

I wanted to run him over yesterday tho but nahhhh.
--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Date: Sat, 24 Apr 2010 04:13:29
To: <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:

DAMN!! That is fucked up...things will get better for you nae, just
gotta wait it out...but yea that nigga lame as hell for that...did you
onfront him about it? What did he say? And don't be letting him go
through your phone even if you're just mentioning him...and you
shouldn't do evil for evil but a lot of times it does seem necessary, so
just do what you feel you need to do...where he at? Is that the guy in
the military?

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 10:19 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

Nobody becuz this whole week been fck shanae over week. I jux found out
charles still tlkn to his so called baby mama and shit askin "what if I
still want u" and this nigga gnna leave his phone in a gas station I
went to go pick it up and I seen that message and other messages to some
girl like now I really feel like I wasted my dmn time and I feel like
exploding cuz this shit is uncalled for.

I haven't done anything to deserve this shit. Wen he go thru my phone
I'm always talking about him. That's it. I tlk bout him to everybody and
I stopped tlkn to the guys that I used to tlk to and now I regret doing
that but I feel like I want to get him baq. Jux do him dirty. Even if it
is a txt message I dnt kno what he be doin wen he be out there. I mean,
I understand he a guy and all and guys have messages of girls shit
everywhere but if u tryin to see ya gf and can't delete ya messages or
attempt to hide them. Then u a dumb nigga and can't play the game right.

--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2010 22:06:42
To: <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:

What do you mean nae?? Don't that because then you will really stop
trying until you eventually are stuck deep in a whole you can't pull
yourself out of...

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 2:39 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

Home ... I give up.

--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2010 21:37:55
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Subject: Re:

Home
--PointBlankk

-----Original Message-----
From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2010 14:27:19
To: Shanae Johnson<disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:

What you doing now...

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 12:29 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

yeappp


________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 2:13:51 PM
Subject: RE:

Damn nae...

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 11:13 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

i didnt kno my cellphone was going to get turned off till the next damn
day. wen i looked at the date and thought about it being the 21stt wen
my bill was due. i specifically asked for it to be turned on and i
flipped out today. i literally flipped out.



________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 2:08:34 PM
Subject: RE:

Damn, now that is fucked up...I would be pissed off...you didn't give
them an alternate number to reach you at?

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 10:33 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

let me tell u wat they did. I told my dad to pay the phone bill because
im supposed to be getting a phone call from a job soon and his stupid
ass aint do it yet so when my friend called me telling me that she got
the job I dont have the job cuz they said they been trying to get in
touch with me and they hired somebody else so guess what.... this is
bullshit and my phone bill still isnt paid.



________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 9:43:19 AM
Subject: RE:

That's cause you be taking what she do to heart...

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 12:29 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

My mom be driving me crazyy...
I dont think I can take any more of her craziness.
When im all happy and shiit she jux ruins it and pisses me off and I be
all depressed.

________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 3:06:07 AM
Subject: RE:

Why not nae?

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 12:05 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

home. listening to music. cant sleep really.


________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, April 23, 2010 3:03:05 AM
Subject: RE:

Chilling, back in Cali...where you been??

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2010 5:26 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

where the heckkk u been.


________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: Shanae Johnson <disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com>
Sent: Thu, April 22, 2010 8:01:02 PM
Subject: RE:

Hello stranger...

-----Original Message-----
From: Shanae Johnson [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2010 6:40 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

hi


________________________________

From: "Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)"
<marquail.alford@lpd7.navy.mil>
To: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com
Sent: Wed, April 14, 2010 2:26:43 PM
Subject: RE:

Hell yea, we're back in cali now...

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Wednesday, April 14, 2010 6:21 AM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

I kno u happy
------Original Message------
From: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
To: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com
Subject: RE:
Sent: Apr 13, 2010 11:24 PM

Long, seems like it was just dragging...We pull in tomorrow...

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Tuesday, April 13, 2010 5:44 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject: Re:

How has ur day been???

------Original Message------
From: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
To: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com
Subject: RE:
Sent: Apr 13, 2010 2:58 PM

Lol, you crazy...

-----Original Message-----
From: disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com [mailto:disterbin_da_peece@yahoo.com]

Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 7:35 PM
To: Alford, Marquail SHSN (USS CLEVELAND)
Subject:

"I'm no meteorologists but I'm pretty sure its raining bitches"
cleveland off family guy. Lmao.
Sent via Blackberry from Boost Mobile



Sent via Blackberry from Boost Mobile



Sent via Blackberry from Boost Mobile

Dawggg;;

do i really need counseling? I refuse to go. I asked my best friend for an X pill cuz she said she can get them for free and she cursed my ass out like.... honestly. Shit, im not going to do something stupid. ( tries to keep a straight face ] Hell, i might need counseling but I just be stressing over pointless bullshit with my mother and her drainage she be doing to me.

"Baby come here,
Let me tell you something that you wanna hear
In your ears singing that song making love all night long"

-- Pleasure P

I definately want to see my boyfriend I got so much pent up anger in me I tried to cry it out but I cant bring any tears to my eyes. I think thats why they say its not good to bottle stuff in, you end up crazy.

But, I dont need counseling. I just need to feel appreciated by somebody in this house.

' and my roommate had to tell her about everything I said. I swear, when it comes to friends they be so dmn worried bout me they gotta tell each other like I said it was ohkayy. Smh.

and my homeboy told me he was worried bout me cuz I snapped on him. I be having these dreams mann ughh. He told me i needed to go to church.

Ride by Ciara ft Luda

When I saw this video my mouth dropped and im still lookin like WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. She been M.I.A. I see what she been doing in her spare time. lol. But u see Luda..... Mm Mm Mm. If I had the chance I would but I wouldnt. lol. If that makes sense but back to Ciara just wow. She freaky as shit and I cant stop staring at her dancing. lol. Just wow.

Suicidal

For this whole dmn week I been thinking about killing myself and this whole night I be wanting to jux stab myself or do some crazy shit. Made me had an attempt at "falling" down the stairs face first.

She drives me so crazy I can't even keep my emotions in anymore. I'm just about to crack with my mom. I'm just thinking why I always got to be the one she drives crazy. I done dealt with this forever.

I came to the conclusion that I can't be happy around her.
I can't just think.
I can't sleep.
I can't even eat the way I want to.

Everyone got these mother-daughter relationships I dnt have that. Neither do I have a father-daughter relationship becuz...

1. My mom always think negative about me. No matter what I do. Where I go. She thinking negative and then always accusing me of doing something that I don't do and it is highly HIGHLY annoying.

2. My dad thinks logical and he'll jux make everything a lesson from school. I'm not going to talk to him over boy problems. Neither will I talk to my mom cuz they both over react but all my dad does is sit there and lecture me and go into how "I'm gay" and how "I need to change my ways" and all this boy talk.

3. I don't need them in my business. I been givin myself advice since I was little about everything because who else would do it. All I get is a you to young or you don't need to know that.

I'm so fed up with bottling shit in I been craving something. I want X. I want to pop another bean. I want to jux depress myself to the point where if I pop a bean I can hurt myself and it would feel sooOoo goood and I can cry and be depressed and hopefully, HOPEFULLY kill myself and see how they like it.

I'm just so tired of getting disappointed over and over and over and over and over again I mean, I can only take so much. I'm supposed to rely on my parents, I'm supposed to rely on them for anything and everything but the only thing I can rely on is jux looking at my mom everyday cuz that's the only thing I'm gettin from her. A lil money and other stuff but idk. When the 1st comes every month I hesitate cuz I think we goin to move soon.

Wen my dad says something that's one ear and out the other, he says it all the time and I don't get shit till last minute. I'm just so fed up.

I understand disappointment from charles but I already expect it. I can't help but not to expect it and I don't want it to come between us cuz if I cnt rely on 2 people that are supposed to be the main ones in my life how ima expect to rely on other people or expecting to not be disappointed when I feel like I'm a "red-headed stepchild" that gets put at the bottom of the to do list when everyone else just gets things and are a higher priority.

Sometimes I just wish I wasn't here so people can just have fun without me. The only person that I think would really care about me gone is charles but then again, I don't know about that.

...... I just feel like I'm already dying. I'm so stressed out I just can't take it anymore.
--PointBlankk

I'm complaining about not talking to him all day and him not caring as much as he says he does and he over here hurting from his job and exhausted.

I need to just think before I act, jux cuz I'm not gettin attention doesn't mean he don't think about me. And jux cuz he got a job doesn't mean he doesn't want to talk to me.

I'm just trippin out over dumb things and I need to get ahold of myself. I know better than to act like his world revolve around me when it doesn't.

I'm not gonna stress him with my problems if he has problems of his own. I'd rather continue hold in my stress and let him tell me his then have him listen to my worries and problems and deal with his own when he can just tell me his and ill just listen and just say nothing is wrong with me.

That way he can always talk it out to me and I can just listen to more secrets about his friends and family I mean, who am I going to tell? Hell, I feel like they all my friends everytime he tells me some off the wall shit. Lol.

*sighs* I hope he sleeping good.

I mean, 2 mins he sayin suttin next thing u kno he falls asleep.
--PointBlankk

.... One more complaint

I'm really getting tired of the whole "ima call u back" and never do. Brings me back to my december post on self realization. (Which I had reread and I literally did change gradually after I posted that. And my new years resolution. I like it)

"After I realized it, from all the broken promises and the phone calls never received or the text messages never answered" I'm tired of getting my hopes up for a call that I'm never gonna get and its soooo annoying cuz I really want to tlk to him. I don't want to wake him up while he sleep.

What if something was really bothering me? Or if I was put into the hospital. he doesn't hear the phone wen he sleep, so it wud be pointless to call when he aint gnna pick up.

I like to think a lot before I go to sleep (notice my posts r usually sometime early in the am or late at night and midday rarely.)

"I don't know who to trust anymore. I realized that, in order for me to actually get what i want, i need to be patient because things will come to me when its time and the more that i rush into it, the more i have to wait. So im going to be patient. Im going to just listen to everything Kayla told me and hope for the best and think that the guy that im willing to give all of myself to will pop up one day and be willing to wait for me."
Sounds familiar right.

I guess patience is key cuz I feel like charles cud be the one for me besides the phone call issue but that's petty unless an event really did happen like that and I left him a message and he doesn't check it till 10 days later. Which he shud check it cuz I hardly ever leave voicemails anyway.

I miss him rite now as we speak. Lol. But, I'm jux scareddd. If we break up, I dnt know what the hell I would do. My heart would be jux, torn all over the place like thinking about it brings pain. I hate breaking up cuz that's the worse pain possible to feel. It lasts so long, its not like something that will go away after a couple mins that shit would last months years ...... A whole lifetime. Guess u gotta pick whose worth risking that.
--PointBlankk

B.E.T movies

I swear they make blackk people look ghetto (in reference to Truth Hall)
--PointBlankk

Sweetz

Baskin robbins oreo sundae with and without whip cream. Mmmmmm.
--PointBlankk

He called...... Yes!

He finally called me and told me what happened. I feel a whole lot better knowing that nothing bad happened to him and that he's ohkayy. I hope he understands the way I feel for him. He thought it was cute me driving down there to see him cuz I was so worried but, I cnt help how I felt.

..... Life is goin good ;; in a way cuz my mom still won't hop off my backkk.

--PointBlankk

Yesterday....

I'm so worried about charles I'm going to flip out. He had gotten into it with his brother over his phone being stolen.

His brother was txtn me a bunch of haterish shit and then charles told me he gnna fck him up. Idk what the hell he did but he has yet to call me for 24 hrs now. Its been a full day and then some and I'm so worried.

I'm feeling every emotion in me except happiness. Idk what to do.

I went to his house to see if his light was on, it wasn't. I went by his sis house. They was sleep. I'm so worried I need him to hurry and find a way to call me like he usually do.

Every bad possible thing that can happen is going thru my head (and I felt like a big ass stalker cuz I drove down there to see if he was ok and didnt even see cuz I got scared to knock on his window)

This sucks so badd I'm worried my heart is THUMPIN hard as hell......

Something always ends up happening this has jux been a fckd up week.

--PointBlankk

Conclusion

As soon as school is over, I am ending this blog and starting off fresh.

New school
Boyfriend
And my faithfulness is gnna be what that's about.

(That and me needing to overcome my shyness)

Kinda scared to meet new ppl and I'm already having doubts but, I kno I can do it.
Jux gtt focus while I'm up there cuz all of my distractions are down here.

--PointBlankk

3 C's

I got kinda upset I was thinking about my feelings and not really wat this whole thing was about. My previous post... uhhh yea.

Im all

Cool

Calm

&&

Collected

About that right now. Because of the fact that I thought about it and I talked to my friends about it.

Shane.

Shieka.

Cousin Tonya

&&

Morgan.

My horoscope says

With the emphasis being ion home and family today, you might find that someone is far less mature than their age would indicate, Aquarius. While you may be taking time to reminisce, and think about how different your view of things in the past is now, someone else may be doing everything they can to reject the knowledge gained from the experiences of the past. Maybe this is circumstantial, because you need to reflect on the past in order to gain the new skills you need to make progress with a current project.

I was thinking about my ex Beezy with him and his baby momma issues and her craziness and how that didnt last for a day. I mean, I really like Charles so I might as well go through this with him ya know. Im not gonna force myself to like the girl, besides. It was like, november and it was a 1 time thing. And she even told him that she dont want him to not be happy. She wants him to still be with his love and some other stuff i cant remember i was in the store trying to keep my jaw from dropping on the floor but all she wants is for him to see him. I just... I dont know. I guess but you never know what can happen now till then.

I wonder if he told his mom, like she already has a grandchild from his sister now him and she told him that she didnt want no more. lol which was funny. Ima feel all out of place but I guess thats what happens when you with someone through thick and thin. I mean, I was never plannin on breakin up wit him, nahhh never that. I just had to think about it. Like, get out of my selfish ways and really think about it.

But....

as long as its no problems thats worse than this. Im good cuz i dont know what else there is that can surprise the hell out of me.

The way I feel...

I wanna scream so loudly.
I feel sad hurt upset bothered....
But I'm not supposed to be madd.
It was november and we wasn't tlkn till january
Why does everything have to happen now
The things are going good but now my life is hell
My heart is pounding and it feels so low
My stomach aches cuz I don't want things to go wrong
I don't want things to change right now
U tell me 21 weeks wasn't that long ago
You claim ur ready for change I didn't kno this came with it.
U didn't kno either how are we gnna put this in our future plans
How can I keep u to myself
You got another girl that gave you wat I wanted to give
You can't be happy when we have one together you'll already been thru the firsts
What can I give u now that's forever and long lasting how can I top that
It hurts so bad to kno this, the things I have to see u happy for that I have to wait patiently
My first
Ur second
You'll always be one step ahead
What is a child going to do to us?
What is she going to do to us?
I don't want it to jeopardize
I'm already leaving in the fall now your having a kid by someone u only messed with once.
Is there anything that I'm doing right
Why are we being put thru so much?
I don't know what to think anymore.
I just wish I haven't heard the news.
But... I'm not supposed to be mad.
This was november not last month.

Jux only one thing that I wish...
(Lord forgive me, even though I dnt believe in u that much, forgive me)

But I pray to god that child is not his.
Sent via Blackberry from Boost Mobile

Letter To My Boyfriend

This is kind of old, i meant to post this last week. I am not good with explaining how I feel to someone Im usually the type of person that will write it or text it to them and just not say it to their face. Its kind of embarrassing especially if they dont feel the same way I feel or dont understand how I feel. I been sooo stressed out lately like, i still am, I got an interview tomorrow but I cant do it. I might as well just fail this damn class. That's what I am doing anyway, failing. This and Speech. Life is so stressful and Im supposed to be transferring. Smh. I think if i get home and do my stuff and just turn it in later, then im good other than that. Im just lost as to what and where my motivation is. Its the end of the school year, come on. Ughhh cant wait till its over.

Letter to my boyfriend....

You don’t marry somebody you can live with – you marry the person you cannot live without




I don’t know how to tell you how I truly feel about you, I mean, I don’t even know if I can explain it. It’s like, I like you but I know it is far more than that. You’re the only person that I think about every day no matter what I am doing, where I am, awake or not, your just always on my mind and I can’t seem to get you off of it. I don’t even know how to express my feelings for you the way I want to, when I am with you, it’s like, so many questions are going through my head, I want to ask you but I can’t because then I’ll feel like I’m just asking stupid questions just to say something.


I hate being with you sometimes, because I know that if I’m with you, I am going to have to leave soon which sucks, and I hate to leave you. Especially if it’s like, an hour I don’t want to leave. You are just far, far enough for me to see you and far enough to make me crazy because I can’t see you ( no idea if that made any sense ) and then when I go to Winston Salem your gonna be like, 3 hours away and that’s far. Like, FAR and I wish I met you before I even thought about transferring there because then I would stay here and just forced myself into a major but nope, I had to go up there and I don’t even know when my mom would be willing to come pick me up and I already know that you probably wouldn’t make it up there to come see me because its 3 hours away. Ya kno. So, that’s like, a couple weeks of me not seeing you and I’m just used to seeing you at least once a week, regardless if I get the car or not. Even when I don’t see you, I wanna talk to you before you go to sleep, because most of the time, I can’t sleep if I haven’t talked to you at all that night. I gotta make it seem like your there with me to just stay sleep.


I hate that you got me feeling so vulnerable, believe it or not it’s taking me at least 2 hours to write this. I love the sound of your voice, the way you talk, the way you dress walk, smile, laugh, etc. etc. I feel like I never met a guy like you before and I feel real lucky to have you in my life even though you say that to me all the time. You treat me so good, no one treats me like the way you do. I feel a whole lot better than I used to, I really do care for you papi, I just don’t think you know how much.


I ask myself like, a thousand questions about you all the time. Like, what you was thinking about when you first saw me and why you wanted me to be yours, especially on Valentine ’s Day. I just always wanted to know what you be thinking about when you be with me, ya kno. This sucks because my chest feels weird and then when you call, I get all excited. I miss you too much and I don’t know what I would do without you. I want to rub your hair, give you your massage you been asking for, play with your hands. You know, all that… Weird stuff people tend to like. Seriously, it’s like, I don’t know. It’s just weird. Especially since I’m not really used to expressing my feelings anyway.

Yea Yea Yea, he read it in front of me. It just felt so awkward I didnt want him to read it in front of me but oh well I guess. *sighs* I dont know what was going through his head he just got quiet and sat there and didnt say nothing *lol and i thought he was about to cry* Then he just started talking about me going to Winston Salem and I wanted him to shut up. I dont want to talk about that right now. Oh yea, did I mention this nigga said "Im not going to cheat on you while your up at Winston Salem" like what the heck is that supposed to mean. So if you didnt read it you would??? Pshht. I didnt take that too seriously cuz the way he acts sometimes i dont even know like, I know he wouldnt but with all my other relationships... I cant say but I know (as of right now) he wouldnt. He wont even go to the club (which is down the street from my house), He'll be all worked up on coming to see me. Its funny though. lol and I had to go to Winston Salem in the morning around 6 and he didnt leave from me till 3.

*skipping my math class ima finish this paper and this resume if its the last thing i do*

Its just, he been on my mind sooo much. I cant wait till Im out of school (in july because im going to do summer school *ughh* for a lil extra cash when / if i go off.) I get to spend time with him and just him unless I get a job then, yea. Work School Boyfriend. Mind you, I dont deal with stress well, at all.

I know what I do need.

Time Management Skills
--anyone knows where i can take a class for that?????

This show never gets old

"I'm no meteorologists but I'm pretty sure its raining bitches" cleveland off family guy. Lmao.
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Tyler perry

That movie is a must see. I suggest ppl to go see it. I loved it.
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