Above Expectations? ...... No.

So this week in school went ok. I skipped one class and that was my thursday's 9:30 class. My week was productive, im trying to strive for a 3.5 this semester but I realized I am to lazy to do it so this, is not expected of me and I shame myself. I have 7/15 ( I have an 8 week class and the regular  16 weeks. (i think its 16 ] lol ] more weeks left to bring my grades up though and I need to start off strong.

On the other hand I think I would make a perfect girlfriend. If I put my mind to it but, another mishap with the same person. This time I am highly upset. He told me that he had "busted" in me the first time we did it. The situation when he couldnt get back hard again. Yea, go back a couple posts to know what I am talkin about. Anywhoo;; i figured he did so I didnt make a big deal, all i did was tell him that i was upset. Tonight, it comes down to it. Still no condom;; ....... different problem.

One; he tried to use my leggings as protection. Surprisingly it went in, bad side to that, what if i get effected down there. He payin my medical bills even though Medicaid got it covered. Two; he said no, take them off and I did but what happens, at least 2 mins in he tlkn bout No NO but get this, he pulls out hella slow and I felt it, again so i know he busted in me, again! The first time he said he liked it, i dnt cuz im not trying to have a kid. I want to transfer to Winston Salem without no baby holding me back and now this happens. AGAIN!
Babie Maybe, runs in my head, thanks to my dmn roommate lol.

But yea, he stays hard, till i dnt know what was going on but he jux starts laughing saying it tickles. It was getting good, i was finally getting what I wanted "from him" until that happened and it killed the mood. Again. At first im like woooow then after i seen that he was really serious and looking retarted doing whatever he was doing to make it not tickle, i came to the conclusion its not meant to be and im not going to attempt to have sex untill next month.

Pray and Hope my Period comes on.

I cant have any kids.

Its a shame, i told him that. I dont have nowhere to go, he goin overseas soon for the Haiti earthquake ( i aint kno bout it but facebook helped me with that. ] I dont really believe in god but this makes me wonder. I had a couple close calls and .... I need to live. How will i tell my mom and my dad that I fckd up? that HE fckd up? I shoulda been taking birth control but i heard they give defects.

Its not expected for me to not do well in school, to have a child, and other things i might not have mentioned. I feel like I am in so much shit now that Im going to focus on me. But, yea im goin to sleep class at 9. I mite skip it.