Love is not for everyone

I honestly think I should not have been born in the month of February aka the Love Month. I absolutely hate it. My birthday is in 6 days, and I will be 19. N-I-N-E-T-E-E-N. My phone company fuckin up on me and I had PLANS that I cant even make anymore and I hate it. Its pissin me off I can tell you that much.

Love isn't for me and I'm really in a pissy mood. I really hate being lied to and I hate the feeling of being played. I hate getting my hopes up for shit that I know won't ever happen anyway. I don't understand how everyone can wear their hearts on their sleeves, I can't even bring myself to really open up to anybody about my problems. It's MY problems, not YOURS so don't worry about trying to make me feel better. I can do that myself. Yea, Im lying. I just wish certain people would feel my pain and call me asking me whats wrong. I don't even get that. I get a "Oh, sorry to here that" and then it does nothing for me. I just feel like sinking to the floor and dying a slowww painful death and see who cares enough to save me from my agony.

But then again, its a bad day, everyone has these days but its been like this ALL WEEK! Im tired of being the messenger, I wish something good can happen on my birthday, every other time its nothing but bullshit and a waste of my time anyway, its not like anyone cares to make me happy on my day. I wont even get a call saying happy birthday, I wont get a text saying happy birthday (except from family but of course, its whateva] its just a "Hey Shanae, bye Shanae" and thats it. Nothing special. Nobody to come and hug me and give me something, no one to think about me. I don't even know who even thinks of me. This boy that I like, his name is Travon but I can tell you that he doesnt like me. I guess its cuz im like toooo shy and dont open up or i jux shut myself out and thats it. Im not going to open up to someone in a day, its no problem for me to do that. I'll talk but I just wont act alllll crazy and shit, i barely do that with my best friends now.

I just wanna know what people think of me.

( even though everyone thinks im Bi and Im a Total freak ] WHICH IM NOT BY THE ONE! IM NO WHERE NEAR A FREAK SO STOP ASKING ME! SHIT! Anywhoo. So yea, I like my friend Kayla. thats my best friend, we had that GF inside joke since 10th grade. HER AND RIKKI! So obviously if you don't like how we express our gayness then shut the fck up about it. ( No homo ] With this said. Im done.