Christmas;; dnt really care for it. What I get, nothing but good sleep after I finished playing Guitar Hero and eating Mac N Cheese.
I did delete my last 2 posts, they were tooo hintful on who it was about and i did not want him to read it.
Self-Realization
My best friend Kayla Marie told me that I needed to stop being hard on myself and to stop trying to find love in all the wrong places. At first, I didnt realize I was doing it, I thought I was just trying to avoid the whole situation but NOPE. I didn't. I was in the middle of it and it all came out this week but then again, im not surprised. Men, are a waste of time. A waste of MYY time, and after a couple days ago. After I realized it, from all the broken promises and the phone calls never received or the text messages never answered, I don't really want a man in my life right now. I'm happy single. I know i mentioned the Army guy, Airforce guy, and the Navy guy. Other's I don't mention because I don't have a name for them. I don't know what to call him anyway. I realized that when I do actually start to feel for someone, I always try to shut it down but I guess that doesnt work cuz somehow some way, i get hurt in the process. Commitment Issues maybe? No. I'm just tired. I'm tired of being lied to by people that really have nothing to lie for. I know i keep my feelings to myself. I know everything that is wrong with me but always fail to realize it.
Kayla told me a bunch of shit i told myself. Stop talking to guys that just don't care because if they don't care then I don't care. Then Niggas out here talk about how they not like every other nigga, they different. They end up doing the same shit them other nigggas do so what makes you different from them.
Half the niggas I deal with are potential stalkers, niggas that beg (show respect and learn how to take no for a fckn answer), or just... UGHh.
She said that i should not settle for less than the best. I deserve a man with a car, a job, and someone that is willing to take me out and show me off to the world. Someone that will really love me for me and deal with me and my complicatedness.
The past few nights I've cried over not being appreciated enough by anyone. Mainly, my dad, or should i say father figure. Because he not my dad and the only time he wants to act like he is my dad is when i supposedly do wrong. Then when it comes down to something i need, apparently, im at the bottom of the list and have to tell him exactly how much i need and what i need it for and then hear complaining with it. Everyone else, its a breeze. They just get it. I got to wait. Story of my life;; Waiting with this nigga.
Then today, to make it all worse. I get a text saying that "maybe we should stop talking, i know its what u want." His name will remain unknown because, like i said, i dont have a nickname for him. But, what is he to tell me that he knows what i want. He is not me. he dont know what or who i want. WE DONT EVEN TALK LIKE WE USED TO because someone is obviously to busy to actually call anyone or at least txt me first. I cant love someone that i know im not going to see. I dont care if i doubt you or anyone else, if i kno its not going to happen then most likely its not and then to say that i move on to quick. What am i supposed to do? Wait for 40 yrs to someone that moves on to a diff. girlfriend and still havent seen you. I'll pass.
I don't know who to trust anymore. I realized that, in order for me to actually get what i want, i need to be patient because things will come to me when its time and the more that i rush into it, the more i have to wait. So im going to be patient. Im going to just listen to everything Kayla told me and hope for the best and think that the guy that im willing to give all of myself to will pop up one day and be willing to wait for me.
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